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Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
It struck me after my recent appointment with my oncologist how less focus is put on the emotional aspect of a cancer patient. I go to clinic I am checked in. I am asked in passing how I feel. Mostly I just say I am OK. It’s all routine. I saw my doctor he examined me we discussed the plan of action for my scans blood work. When a cancer patient is asked a how they feel often it’s “medical”. How do you “physically”feel.
Now that I am a “routine” patient at my cancer center no one stops to ask how I am “emotionally”. Don’t get me wrong there are people you can talk to. I feel things become so routine and some days I feel less emotionally “fit” than others. I never like going to the cancer center it stresses me. I am better about it but it is still a source of “depression “ and anxiety for me. When I feel this way I need routine. On my most recent visit I was given an “wrist band” to wear. I felt “branded”. Not only do I have to hold on to the appointment reminder “disc” now I am given an wrist band. It bothered me. So if you are a patient you can easily be identified by the disc and now and a wrist band. That my sound nit picky but I notice everything. If it bothers me it must bother other people as well. What would be good would be a place for patients, all patients, just patients to check in.
Ask us how we are today. Ask how we are coping. Ask care givers who bring in patients how they are coping. They should have “therapy” dogs on patrol. I love dogs and I know that would comfort me. It would take away some of the anxiety I feel each time I go to the cancer center. I am still “new” to my cancer. It’s been 6 months since my cancer diagnosis perhaps that is why I experience so much anxiety. I haven’t “accepted “ my cancer. It isn’t OK I have it. I am working through this.
Asking me how I am is a loaded question. Physically I am OK. Emotionally on some days I can be a bit of a “wreck”. The mortality aspect for me is a source of great distress at times. I realize I need to have perspective. Take one day at a time. Some days I could use a hug because even though I am adult it is scary to go to the cancer center and some days the child in me is more on the surface than the adult me. So I need to reel in the child and let the adult take hold.
Someone suggested mantras. I use one when I feel I need it. I tell myself it will be OK. It’s just a visit it’s just blood work it will be OK. That helps.
I believe all cancer patients have PTSD to some extent. I know I have it. This experience has traumatized me. Feeling sick, having symptoms, the diagnosis, the surgery, the recovery, the appointments, the blood work, the scans, the exams, the probing, going back to work, trying to regain “normalcy”, realizing there is a “new” normal, learning to live life the best you can. It is a bit much. It does get better and has gotten better. So when I am asked how I am doing it is a complex question and the answer on some days is convoluted.
At work people always ask how I am no one knows about my cancer because that is my busy but people know I was “sick”. I answer I am OK and move on because the question for me is complex. I would like to respond “ are you asking how I am physically or emotionally?”. No one has time for that. It takes too long.
My close friend asked me how I was and she and asked, “how are you really?”. In this “instant” and mostly impersonal world I am learning how the simple things, the unspoken words, the touch or hug, are often the most impacting. Cancer is teaching me to pay attention to what is around me, next to me, near by. Life is so precious don’t waste it.
How are you feeling today? How are you really? Do you need a hug? Are you feeling sad today? Is there something I can do for you right now?
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You spoke out loud what I was and have been thinking to myself. No one but the ones that goes through this process knows how they are feeling and its sad but after the initial view of the patient the doctors and nurses just go on sometimes or nearly all the time not asking the patient what their health condition are. And yes, I too believe that we do have PTSD from dealing with Cancer. May God continue to bless and keep you.
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2 ReactionsThank you, I'm at peace with all of it, God will take when it's time. Blessings to you.
Im so glad you know God is by your side! Listen and feel his presence🙏
I wasn’t nearly as faithful but when I was faced knowing the end, I have discovered a peace…my fear has been turned over and know his plan will take care of me🙏
Praying for you🙏
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3 ReactionsI find people being nicer to me as I slowly die as a comfort, I find God and Jesus my always comfort. I find that most people are uncomfortable with seeing people who look like they are dying and dying in front of them, but are never rude, hateful. Seeing and feeling the goodness in people gives me hope for them. I don't worry about my physical end at all even though I will miss many things, my soul is forever and that is what truly matters in all this physical death
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1 ReactionYou hit the nail directly on the head. No one could have said it better and so succinctly. I’m grieving me that used to do everything and didn’t look like I came home from the war. God, it was good to read that someone understood it went beyond vanity.
Thank you for making my day and bringing insight back to me.
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5 ReactionsI got myself set with the hospital psychologist. If you’re still connected to the hospital or even if you’re not, you should be able to get that outside help. It’s made a difference to me and a great source of support and information.
Good luck. It sounds like you know what you need. Now go get it!
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2 ReactionsI don’t know how you got in my head, but that is exactly how I feel. Physically ok; emotionally in the dumps. You’d think with a diagnosis of cancer free, I’d be over the moon. But the scans, the pills that don’t always work, and the fear of what’s next! I am getting better as eight months post Whipple, I’m beginning to see some changes. My new normal is taking its toll on me as by nature I always feared for my health. So this came as a shock and I’m still in denial to a point.
Thank you for sharing such an important point for our recovery.
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1 Reaction@rhood1961 Check with your oncologist's office for a social worker who can refer you to a counselor. If you are part of a faith community, ask for help.
There is nothing wrong with admitting your vulnerability, to your wife. She may already have noticed that things are tough for you, and she is waiting for you for bring it up on your own terms. Imagine the relief she will feel when you let her know you are struggling, so you may address this together!
You don't have to go through this alone. We are here for you, also.
Ginger
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4 ReactionsI am so sorry! Is there a someone you can talk to?
Praying for you!
First off, I agree and feel the same way. My diagnosis was at the end of February 2023, my surgery to remove my bone cancer was March 24th.
I was told that because of the type of cancer radiation and chemo was not an option. So now I'll have to be tested with MRIs, CT, X-rays for basically the rest of my life, they say 10 years if no reacurrance but at 62, why quibble.
I had to have my femur, knee replaced. I'm still recovering physically and trying emotionally and mentally.
During my lifetime I've had over 20 operations to put me back together, mostly because I lived my life with the Gee that looks like fun attitude. This is the first operation that has scared me, because there is a possibility it is never going to end.
I want to talk to somebody, anybody. They don't have to have answers, I just want someone to hold my hand and tell me they understand and really mean it.
My wife and family try, but I tell them I'm fine, not to worry. I've been telling them that my whole life and don't seem to be able to stop now. My whole life I've tried to protect them and I'm still doing it. But now, I need someone for me and it would be easier to talk to a complete stranger than my family.
My family is great, my wife is fantastic. I know that I married way outside of my league.
I am depressed and scared with what the future holds, but my biggest fear is what will happen to my wife, my family if the worse case happens.
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