Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

Posted by azkidney57 @azkidney57, Oct 6, 2019

It struck me after my recent appointment with my oncologist how less focus is put on the emotional aspect of a cancer patient. I go to clinic I am checked in. I am asked in passing how I feel. Mostly I just say I am OK. It’s all routine. I saw my doctor he examined me we discussed the plan of action for my scans blood work. When a cancer patient is asked a how they feel often it’s “medical”. How do you “physically”feel.

Now that I am a “routine” patient at my cancer center no one stops to ask how I am “emotionally”. Don’t get me wrong there are people you can talk to. I feel things become so routine and some days I feel less emotionally “fit” than others. I never like going to the cancer center it stresses me. I am better about it but it is still a source of “depression “ and anxiety for me. When I feel this way I need routine. On my most recent visit I was given an “wrist band” to wear. I felt “branded”. Not only do I have to hold on to the appointment reminder “disc” now I am given an wrist band. It bothered me. So if you are a patient you can easily be identified by the disc and now and a wrist band. That my sound nit picky but I notice everything. If it bothers me it must bother other people as well. What would be good would be a place for patients, all patients, just patients to check in.

Ask us how we are today. Ask how we are coping. Ask care givers who bring in patients how they are coping. They should have “therapy” dogs on patrol. I love dogs and I know that would comfort me. It would take away some of the anxiety I feel each time I go to the cancer center. I am still “new” to my cancer. It’s been 6 months since my cancer diagnosis perhaps that is why I experience so much anxiety. I haven’t “accepted “ my cancer. It isn’t OK I have it. I am working through this.

Asking me how I am is a loaded question. Physically I am OK. Emotionally on some days I can be a bit of a “wreck”. The mortality aspect for me is a source of great distress at times. I realize I need to have perspective. Take one day at a time. Some days I could use a hug because even though I am adult it is scary to go to the cancer center and some days the child in me is more on the surface than the adult me. So I need to reel in the child and let the adult take hold.

Someone suggested mantras. I use one when I feel I need it. I tell myself it will be OK. It’s just a visit it’s just blood work it will be OK. That helps.

I believe all cancer patients have PTSD to some extent. I know I have it. This experience has traumatized me. Feeling sick, having symptoms, the diagnosis, the surgery, the recovery, the appointments, the blood work, the scans, the exams, the probing, going back to work, trying to regain “normalcy”, realizing there is a “new” normal, learning to live life the best you can. It is a bit much. It does get better and has gotten better. So when I am asked how I am doing it is a complex question and the answer on some days is convoluted.

At work people always ask how I am no one knows about my cancer because that is my busy but people know I was “sick”. I answer I am OK and move on because the question for me is complex. I would like to respond “ are you asking how I am physically or emotionally?”. No one has time for that. It takes too long.

My close friend asked me how I was and she and asked, “how are you really?”. In this “instant” and mostly impersonal world I am learning how the simple things, the unspoken words, the touch or hug, are often the most impacting. Cancer is teaching me to pay attention to what is around me, next to me, near by. Life is so precious don’t waste it.

How are you feeling today? How are you really? Do you need a hug? Are you feeling sad today? Is there something I can do for you right now?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Cancer: Managing Symptoms Support Group.

susan2018 | @susan2018 | Feb 13, 2020

In reply to @susan2018 "Oh, thank you. I will." + (show)

@hopeful33250 I lost track of this post. October seems ages ago now. My husband is in the midst of his 8th cycle of chemo now in February. He has much fatigue and has lost about 30#. He missed one session because of low platelets. Side effects have been varied, he has some neuropathy in hands and feet and had a siege of hiccups and throat spasms. Overall, even though he is 2/3 of the way done, the time is growing long. I’m tired of the worry and confinement. In addition my mother fell and broke her hip and collarbone on New Years Day and is now in a nursing home. I have her apartment to deal with. It’s all a bit much.

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Feb 13, 2020

In reply to @jeffk "I found that emotionally I had to have hope and faith in the doctors and the..." + (show)

@jeffk Your response is so uplifting! Did you do anything specific while undergoing treatment to keep your spirits up?

jeffk | @jeffk | Feb 10, 2020

I found that emotionally I had to have hope and faith in the doctors and the treatment plan. Once I was on the path I mustered daily optimism that this will be successful and it has been three years now that I am cancer free. It clearly was worth the journey no matter haw difficult and challenging.

sbcook70 | @sbcook70 | Jan 24, 2020

I agree. The simple question :how are you?" definitely has a complex and much deeper response for a cancer patient. And I often feel too guilty to give my true response. I don't want pitty but I can honestly use some kind comfort at times because I am often emotionally exhausted. I get you!❣🦓

cindee60 | @cindee60 | Oct 24, 2019

In reply to @cindee60 "Hello Laurie no you’re right life will never be the same it will be better!! And..." + (show)

PS: I was 38 when I was diagnosed lumpectomy chemo and radiation...

cindee60 | @cindee60 | Oct 24, 2019

In reply to @roch "The emotional roller coaster of cancer drastically effects your life. I am 64 women with breast..." + (show)

Hello Laurie no you’re right life will never be the same it will be better!! And you’ll go through the tests with anxiety but happiness when you get a clean bill of health. I was diagnosed in 1995 with breast cancer 1 month after my wedding. Appts are still a little unnerving but it does get a lot better as the tests come back clear. You’ll be ok I’m 25 years now and life isn’t the same because my cancer journey made me appreciate life so much more. My positive vibes are coming your way 👍🏻🌻

azkidney57 | @azkidney57 | Oct 12, 2019

In reply to @becsbuddy "@azkidney57 Your post is so ‘right on.’ I call cancer and some autoimmune diseases ‘invisibles ‘...." + (show)

Thank you Becky I never refuse a hug! 😊

Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Oct 12, 2019

In reply to @azkidney57 "I am working full time now after I had my kidney removed in May and I..." + (show)

@azkidney57 Your post is so ‘right on.’ I call cancer and some autoimmune diseases ‘invisibles ‘. When there are no visible signs, everyone thinks you’re just fine. But, we’re not. Just not. Please take care of yourself. I’m sending you a hug. Becky

azkidney57 | @azkidney57 | Oct 11, 2019

In reply to @roch "The emotional roller coaster of cancer drastically effects your life. I am 64 women with breast..." + (show)

I am working full time now after I had my kidney removed in May and I don’t have the energy level I once had. So I look OK on the outside but I tire more easily and I can be an emotional wreck on some days. I have scans this month so I have scanxiety. My friends don’t get it that things are different now after a cancer diagnosis. My life will never be the same. I am getting accustomed to my new normal as it unfolds. It’s like a “re birth” of sorts. Priorities have changed my goal is to simply my life. You need to do whatever works best for you! Cancer patients all need and deserve on going care not just medical but emotional as well. I feel insurance companies should include home health visits for all patients that have gone through treatment especially for people who live alone. One may not have cancer in their body right now but the emotional scars cancer leaves behind deserve attention. My PCP asked me , “ so you’re ok now?” as he was walking out the door. My oncologists never ask how I am dealing with a cancer diagnosis their focus is medical. I am glad this site is here. I find it very helpful. I hope your scans are clean in December Laurie. I love your pic looks like you have a best friend!

woodedareas | @woodedareas | Oct 11, 2019

In reply to @roch "The emotional roller coaster of cancer drastically effects your life. I am 64 women with breast..." + (show)

I am in my late 70's and just had surgery for what was referred to as early lung cancer. My wife and daughter both have great cancer and my daughter is 48 and has completed a lt of treatment. They will have their annual exams this month and I will go back in 2 months for another scan. Yes we have a new normal but I have learned that life is full of change even on a daily basis. Our future was unknown even before cancer, and I try to guide myself by recognizing that there are new and very effective treatments for cancer especially immune therapy which has been working.My doctors mother is 84 and was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. She was treated and now is on a form of immune therapy and is in remission, and playing tennis. Let's all hope and pray together. Good Thoughts.