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Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?
It struck me after my recent appointment with my oncologist how less focus is put on the emotional aspect of a cancer patient. I go to clinic I am checked in. I am asked in passing how I feel. Mostly I just say I am OK. It’s all routine. I saw my doctor he examined me we discussed the plan of action for my scans blood work. When a cancer patient is asked a how they feel often it’s “medical”. How do you “physically”feel.
Now that I am a “routine” patient at my cancer center no one stops to ask how I am “emotionally”. Don’t get me wrong there are people you can talk to. I feel things become so routine and some days I feel less emotionally “fit” than others. I never like going to the cancer center it stresses me. I am better about it but it is still a source of “depression “ and anxiety for me. When I feel this way I need routine. On my most recent visit I was given an “wrist band” to wear. I felt “branded”. Not only do I have to hold on to the appointment reminder “disc” now I am given an wrist band. It bothered me. So if you are a patient you can easily be identified by the disc and now and a wrist band. That my sound nit picky but I notice everything. If it bothers me it must bother other people as well. What would be good would be a place for patients, all patients, just patients to check in.
Ask us how we are today. Ask how we are coping. Ask care givers who bring in patients how they are coping. They should have “therapy” dogs on patrol. I love dogs and I know that would comfort me. It would take away some of the anxiety I feel each time I go to the cancer center. I am still “new” to my cancer. It’s been 6 months since my cancer diagnosis perhaps that is why I experience so much anxiety. I haven’t “accepted “ my cancer. It isn’t OK I have it. I am working through this.
Asking me how I am is a loaded question. Physically I am OK. Emotionally on some days I can be a bit of a “wreck”. The mortality aspect for me is a source of great distress at times. I realize I need to have perspective. Take one day at a time. Some days I could use a hug because even though I am adult it is scary to go to the cancer center and some days the child in me is more on the surface than the adult me. So I need to reel in the child and let the adult take hold.
Someone suggested mantras. I use one when I feel I need it. I tell myself it will be OK. It’s just a visit it’s just blood work it will be OK. That helps.
I believe all cancer patients have PTSD to some extent. I know I have it. This experience has traumatized me. Feeling sick, having symptoms, the diagnosis, the surgery, the recovery, the appointments, the blood work, the scans, the exams, the probing, going back to work, trying to regain “normalcy”, realizing there is a “new” normal, learning to live life the best you can. It is a bit much. It does get better and has gotten better. So when I am asked how I am doing it is a complex question and the answer on some days is convoluted.
At work people always ask how I am no one knows about my cancer because that is my busy but people know I was “sick”. I answer I am OK and move on because the question for me is complex. I would like to respond “ are you asking how I am physically or emotionally?”. No one has time for that. It takes too long.
My close friend asked me how I was and she and asked, “how are you really?”. In this “instant” and mostly impersonal world I am learning how the simple things, the unspoken words, the touch or hug, are often the most impacting. Cancer is teaching me to pay attention to what is around me, next to me, near by. Life is so precious don’t waste it.
How are you feeling today? How are you really? Do you need a hug? Are you feeling sad today? Is there something I can do for you right now?
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I am recovering and everything looks good. I thought I wasn't going to make it, so the fact that everything eventually turned out ok is great. However, my emotional level is not up to chitter chatter of every day conversation; things seem so superficial and mundane when before I was so happy-go-lucky. Sometimes the emotional content takes longer to heal than the physical. I am fighting though it, seeing friends, talking to others on the phone and realizing that my journey was totally personal and it is real to us who are on Connect to share with each other and grow strong. Thank you for your feedback! Gina
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4 Reactions@earscan, sometimes those smallest gestures can have the largest impact. Thank you for sharing this moment! You’ve certainly gone though so much with your cancer and treatment. It’s frightening just having any type of cancer. We long for some moment of comfort and safe harbor during what can be overwhelming times, to say the least. It’s those little moments such as the tech holding your hand during the procedure which can give us the needed hope for the future. Empathy is a gift not everyone possesses.
My personal moment of inspiration was during a particularly dark moment in my cancer treatment. My night nurse whispered in my ear, “The only thing stronger than fear is hope.” I’ve later learned it’s a quote from a famous author. But since that moment, that quote has impacted the rest of my life. Where are you on your cancer journey? Are you in remission and doing well?
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3 ReactionsAfter my cancer surgery, I was a hospital in-patient for 7 days and there was a minor procedure that needed to be done. The tech tried it twice and it didn't work; then the charge nurse ried it and it didn't work; then the PA tried it and it didn't work. Somewhere, during these 4 times, and I was terrified because the first time I was more or less ripped in a sensitive part of me and so I was apprehensive after that - some where, some time, a patient tech took my hand and held it during the procedure. She held it tight and she never let go. I was not alone. I loved her for the compassion she showed me,without a word or a hug, it was that hand that reached out and went straight to my heart. Bless whoever she was, because she has the soul of the caretaker and she understands us. Thank you my dear perfect stranger!
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3 ReactionsYes. Thanks. I actually have a great support family and friends kind words and this forum helps my heart
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2 Reactions@wyngnit - Great job making it to where you are today. Life does not always deal us the best cards so it is an adjustment to work with those you have. Keep looking for those things that make you “laugh”..
Positive thoughts will be with you this weekend as you have those tests.
I encourage you to reach out when the need arises, can you do this?
Take care!
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2 ReactionsHello. I got a second opinion and my surgeon was a Harvard graduate. It's always a good thing for a second opinion, especially when you feel the way you do. You should never feel bound to any doctor if you aren't getting the treatment that you need or if you are uncomfortable with them.
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1 ReactionVery well put and it describes me! Thankyou for putting the thoughts and words in writing
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1 ReactionIf your gut is suggesting a second opinion. Then go! Peace of mind is worth it. Especially if they agree and/ or disagree
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1 ReactionAfter reading these posts I am very very touched. I am three months post and going in for blood tests this weekend and then see both my oncologist
breast cancer lumpectomy all removed
my first oncologist said your cancer is cured then ...but we need radiation AI. ONCOTYPE Tests
I’m thinking about changing oncologist and having a second opinion
we have a oncologist social worker I can talk to. We primarily do video visits because of Covid.
I felt like where I was going for my radiation were very caring and when it was over they celebrated I had to bang a gong and they gave me a plaque
at first it felt silly but it helped and validated my time
One of the best helps going through treatment was a video my friend sent me of Freddy, From Queen, singing “another one bites the dust”
he had prostrate cancer radiation treatments
it helpt and made me laugh!
the main thing I’m dealing with is just anger mixed w grief
I don’t wanna be here in this situation
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3 Reactionsazkidney 57 from Georgia from Australia. Sounds all too familiar. !!On my third cancer. I can only say -they are very busy - I don't think they expected to have this many elderly to put through. It is no different here in Australia. You often feel just like a number--wait in line. Your feelings are valid I believe.
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