Emotional aftermath following breast cancer treatment

Thank you so much for your heartfelt letter. I nodded “yes” all throughout your thoughts. I find that forgiveness—letting go—that I got BC (February 2021) is a practice; a moment to moment thing. Hard for me to do.

And then there’s gratitude. Sigh . . . I’m a work in progress. My last three Signatera blood tests were negative.

One of my joys before BC (in 2020) was playing the piano. Yesterday I started again.

Had my knee replaced in September 21 and hip in December 23. The dog is my service dog. Something else to be grateful for. I’m grateful for you and your wisdom. ❤️

You look like such a young beautiful woman, I hope you won’t let BC dim that light. There are many things to grieve in cancer, but there is much to be grateful for as well.
When my grandmother got the diagnosis, they said “we can try” and “ not much success” and she died. She just didn’t have the benefit of the treatments we have today. I remind myself that although chemo and AI aren’t a walk in the park, cancer comes with some real side effects too.
Dr. Susan Love once said there are two kinds of women “those who have breast cancer and those terrified of getting it”. I would add one more, those trying to live with the fear of recurrence and still trying to live. I find that talking here with others really does help.
@rhongirl really has some great thoughts on this. I love how she mentions not letting worry about tomorrow, steal today.
PS. Love the wrinkles pooch❣️

@sharon35981 Hi Sharon, Your post resonated with me. . . "I grieve for my life the way it was before BC." I am almost 4 years cancer-free, and once-in-a-while, I still find myself aching a bit on the inside with those thoughts. . . though, it's not so much grieving, but a deep ache when I give my mind license to think on it. Sometimes, it has been helpful to give myself that time, ache for a bit, and then, move on. Other times, I have just told my heart, "Not now", and continue on. I think it's important to do both. In reality, our lives are never the same from day to day. . . we've lived the day we're presently in, and changes are happening all the time. I think having BC just brings that into view in a very real way. We are forced to see the changes, not glossing over them and moving on quickly to the next thing.

In that regard, in the not "glossing over", I've learned to be more perceptive - of emotions, of others, of myself, of my purpose, how I spend my time, and so on. It doesn't mean I never waste a day anymore (drat! that human nature still plagues us all), but I count my days differently, I think, than I did before. So, in that light, there have been good things that were born out of my BC, yet, there are still residuals. Sometimes just a good "sigh" is what's needed for those residuals (those things I can do nothing about). and helps me keep moving forward.

Before BC, we wonder if we'll ever get the disease. After BC, we wonder if it will come back. I'm trying to tell myself to live in the day, and refrain so much from thinking about the what-ifs. Doing so takes away from my today. God tells us in His Word, "So, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). So very hard to do, but surely, a healthier way to live in body, mind, and spirit.

Life is such a balance. And BC interrupts that balance a lot. Finding a new balance, takes time. And you will get it. :). PS. Love the image you shared

Diagnosed in February 2021. (Stage1B) Tried Verzenio, and I could only stand it for four months before I would wake up in the middle of the night suffocating. I’m on Anastrozole. Dr. said he wants me to take it for ten. I told him I wouldn’t live that long. I have had two spinal fractures and then a rib fracture getting a breast MRI. I refuse to get any more mammograms. I’ve threatened to stop my AI several times. I get the come-to-Jesus lecture. I grieve for my life the way it was before BC. I get a Signatera test every three months to check for cancer DNA in my blood. So far three negative test results. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be done with even thinking about the possibility of BC recurrence.

My dx was end of 2021 and I focused on what needed to be done for treatment and didn't address the emotions of what the dx meant - I think I'm paying that price now. I received remission message April 2023 after all treatment was completed and no evidence in lab or scans. Then I retired in August 2023, I would use this board for comfort and venting my feelings, then I thought I was doing good so I stopped using the board - not sure if it was helping me emotionally. I've found recently that since I stopped using this board, my emotions are all over the place and focus is terrible - its as if since I have no one to talk to that understands what I've been through and will continue to go through that I can't focus. I'm triple negative and BRCA+ so I think about whether anything I do will keep me in remission.

I need to brew myself a cup of coffee and make sure I keep in touch with everyone for them and for me so I can gain comfort from people with similar experiences and to vent to people who are or have gone through this journey. Thank you for being there and listening even if its just to say - I understand and I hear you.

We kind of are getting together for coffee, right here on connect. I kind of wander from table to table (conversations), but this feels like when I used to go to the tea parties. We all sat around sharing all the things we have in common and things we don’t, other people join our table then wander off to another table to join a different conversation. So brew a cup and get comfy, we are all here to be that girlfriend across the table.
I am 20 years from my original diagnosis and I can’t say I have ever really just moved past it, I have a “new normal” and life never just returned to the way it was.
How can we make this new life stable, for me it is gratitude, for life, for all of you, for my home, and my remaining abilities.
Please share ways that help you move forward each day, can you share your resilience tips?

What helps with my anxiety is getting a Signatera blood test every three months. This test looks for cancer cells in the blood. My emotions are all over the place.

Good for you for speaking up. I am generally a positive person, but the nine months of treatment for triple negative were rough. When well meaning folks would say “be positive”, I wanted to say what you did. They don’t understand. I appreciated instead when people said “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” because that is accurate. Unless a person has lived it they can’t know what it feels like-the physical side effects and the emotional.

Best wishes to you, Cindy💌

Yes indeed. I tell people that have not been through treatment for this heinous beast is: “you’re not going through what I’m going through.” And they shut up telling me what I should do and how I should feel.

My heart goes out to you! I pray God will give you strength to get through this tough time. Sometimes I wish we could all get together for a cup of coffee, share our feelings, and support one another in person. Most people don't know what it feels like to get the cancer dx. They wonder why we still are not emotionally over it when all the treatments are done. Hugs.