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Did you tell your parent(s) about your diagnosis?
My surgery is scheduled and I am prepared. I have not told my mother that's in her mid 90s that I have Prostate Cancer or that I'm having surgery. My mother is a worry wart and gets obsessed easily over things that she has no control over. She's also hyper observant about my physical health in general. Have you lost/gained weight are you getting enough fiber/calcium/vitamin A-Z. I don't want to tell her that I have Prostate Cancer because she will obsess. I also don't want her at the hospital after surgery because she will want/need to look at the surgery results. I don't want my mother looking at the "franks and beans" So here's my questions. For those of us that have elderly parents, did you tell them? I want to establish boundaries with my mother but I also don't want her to make me into "Norman Bates"/ Mama's boy.
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Thanks for that. I haven't told anyone at work to avoid exactly what you are talking about. I've told them I need surgery and sick time but nothing more. You have helped me make the decision to Never tell her. Thank you!
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2 ReactionsI gave it thought but decided to tell my father. He was pretty upset and wanted to come be here to help and I told him "too many cooks" because, honestly, he would drive me insane and I don't like being waited on like that. He still gets a bit emotional when I talk to him about my future and what that may mean.
The only thing I may keep to myself is if I'm ever told I'm terminal. I'm a little on the fence about that because if that were to happen I would want to spend some time making that easier on my wife by getting rid of all the things she wouldn't want or need after I go. That's not something for me to worry about today, so I'm not.
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1 Reactionjayhall, I'm out of my league here, but:
when I had cancer ten years ago, I didn't tell anyone. I pretended to go on a month long vacation. I saved everyone the stress, including myself. Once you tell there is a constant. Everyone who knows you has to have the conversation of concern every time you see them, every time you talk to them. Years later you'll still be fielding questions. When you've managed to stop worrying and thinking about cancer there it will be on everyone's lips.
If you decide not to tell her, don't ever tell her. Don't confide in people that might slip her the information, because she will be hurt.
I don't think you get to establish good boundaries with your mom once you tell.
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2 ReactionsThanks for sharing this. May I ask were your reasons similar to mine?
I lied to my mother for 5 years. She died recently without ever finding out her youngest son has cancer.
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3 ReactionsWhen I first learned I had what was likely metastatic cancer (we didn't know the primary yet), I called my mother that night from my hospital bed and told her. She was with a friend in a hotel, about to set out on a river cruise the next day. I asked her not to cancel the cruise, but instead, to share pictures so that I could enjoy looking at them. It wasn't easy for her, but she did it. I have no regrets about involving her early.
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