Antidepressants and colorectal cancer

@dianemarcia I thank you for starting this discussion in the colorectal cancer group. Depression and cancer are not uncommon.

@alpaca wrote about dealing with:
> Depression and anxiety, and Head & Neck Cancer https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/depression-and-anxiety-1/

@merpreb talks about
> Facing Cancer Recurrence, PTSD & Acknowledging Mental Health https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/facing-cancer-recurrence-ptsd-acknowledging-mental-health/

Diane, are you struggling with depression? Have you talked with your doctor about antidepressants?

I am one year out from completing treatment for Stage IV colon cancer and have PET scans every 3 months. I'm also six years out from surviving a head on auto accident in which I was critically injured and hospitalized for more than two months. Single mom of 10-year-old-twins. Just had two tests re: shortness of breath which started last summer. Heart pounding during shortness of breath too, which is mostly exertion around the house-related. Stress test is abnormal and have something called a bochalek hernia. So further testing required. Also have other issues, cervical compression fractures above where my spine is bolted/rodded together, as well as new sacral fractures. Rectal bleeding, for six plus months, both old and new blood.

While I've struggled with being on this list serve (i.e. I really want to just move on), I do have to say I understand the depression and anxiety thing--I am so very depressed. I just want some "time off" from the whole medical scene. But time off is not forthcoming and I'm feeling guilty for not being grateful that it's "just side effects," and I'm just tired of hurting, being short of breath, and not being the marathon runner that I once knew. I think, in Stage IV, you know it's coming back, it's just a matter of when. I felt better going through treatment, because I felt like I was working toward something and that I had a lifeline (chemo, radiation, internal radiation). Right now I'm working with really scary statistics and one set back after another. So I guess I'm just tired. On effexor, seeing an MSW. All I want to do is run away to Europe and wake up in a bungalow in a snow-covered town, home school my kids, and just stop the non-stop, endless hamster wheel that I feel like I'm on. Everything feels wrong...the positive attitude, "hey, you beat the odds, relax and be grateful..." as I sit, doing no maintenance treatment, knowing the 5 year odds are 16% survival. Is it my mental health not working right or is it my intellectual side saying, "don't be dumb, you need to be doing more than exercising and eating well." ??? So sorry for complaining, but I have no one to take care of my kids if I'm gone. I believe in Heaven and am looking forward to it one day, but the pressure of surviving for my kids overwhelms me every day. I have to, but I don't know if passive waiting is the best choice...the weight on all our shoulders is heavy, I know.

my dearest young woman
my heart goes out for you, thanks for sharing at such a deep level.
when I read something that comes from your heart it touches mine. I know I've never met you or will ever meet you and yet you have said the words of every one of us thank you so much for putting your feelings in words we can all understand,kellyporter you will be in my prayers ,, Sandra