Connect
← Return to I'm Tired and Don't Want To Go On
Discussion
I'm Tired and Don't Want To Go On
Mental Health | Last Active: Mar 11 3:59pm | Replies (89)Comment receiving replies
I’m grateful for all of the comments and sharing here. I’m 55 and pretty much bedridden as of gosh ten years at least although have had a few seasons where I was able to work part time but the jobs never lasted longer than a year.
I can’t accept that I am helpless to get needed help and change my circumstances. I hate it and in turn I feel deep feelings of disgust and contempt toward myself that I can’t get up and work a job. Geez.
I hate my life and feel very uncomfortable saying that. It’s something that I have tried to not think or say bc I think it will give it just more power. But sometimes I just need to be able to say what is the truth. I don’t have one person I can talk to. Literally, my mother and sisters cut me off 10 years ago , my father has Alzheimer’s and it’s me with my 17 yr old daughter . I am though super grateful for her and grateful she is as great and stable as she is, makes straight A’s and also works part-time .
I graduated from college with interior design degree and then worked 25 + years as a Photostylist, editor for multiple lifestyle magazines as well as doing floral design.
But after ongoing traumatic experiences and intense stress in 2014 I had some sort of “break” where I started stuttering and couldn’t think clearly. This was on top of becoming sick with an autoimmune disorder no one knew of at the time.
I’ve had mild depression all my life but the traumatic events and the consequences endured bc of those seem to have changed me forever.
Has anyone else had similar experience?
Replies to "I’m grateful for all of the comments and sharing here. I’m 55 and pretty much bedridden..."
Connect
Hi. I’m a Brit living in Oman. How I got here I’ll never know. But here I am. I’m not going to suggest that things get better or any of that self help book rubbish. I’m 73 and whilst I have some health issues and have suffered from clinical depression most of my life what really bugs me is getting old. One of the things that bugs me even more is when people tell me how lucky I am to be 73 and how many people haven’t lived this long and how many people are worse off than me. I’m not stupid. I know all that. But it’s me I’m talking about. Sounds selfish right? But I loved being young, handsome and full of hope for the future. But there ain’t much future left at my age. I look in the mirror and see the body of a man growing old without me. I am full of self pity. I’m entitled to feel self pity at my age. But one bit of advice I hope you don’t mind my saying is this: for some insane reason humans think that being content or happy is normal in spite of all the overwhelming evidence showing us that human misery is the norm with the odd dash of happiness if you’re lucky. So, and for me this is optimistic and not pessimistic, what we should be adapting to is unhappiness. This is reality. Once we stop thinking that life should be full of happiness and face reality then suddenly things don’t seem so bad. Because always striving to be content or happy is what makes life more of a struggle. It’s unnatural. Do I sometimes think I don’t want to continue living? Pretty much every morning. But then I think actuality why bother to top myself when I don’t have long to wait. Something that also bugs me is when someone smiles and says “have a nice day!” Is that an order? If so it’s a bloody stupid one. And I’ll have a pretty miserable day if I want and I know this is true of most people of my age unless they’re taking enough pills. So embrace misery and if happiness walks with you for a few steps know he won’t stay long and just enjoy his company whilst knowing that he’ll be moving on.