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Cancer: Being diagnosed during the holiday season
This is a just a reach-out to those out there who will be diagnosed or have just been recently diagnosed during this Christmas season. I received my telephone call on Christmas Eve Day, 3 pm. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and what day it was. And I remember wondering how I was going to garner up enough composure to host my family dinner that evening. That was four years ago.
The holiday season, for me, now brings along with it those moments of feeling sad and anxious. These are brief moments, sometimes including flashbacks of things I remember from the cancer treatment period (and multiples surgeries after) woven into my daily. Like losing a loved one during the holiday season, a serious illness can also be attached to those mile-marker holidays for each of us who receives a breast cancer diagnosis near Christmas.
First, it's important to remember there is a never a good time to receive such a diagnosis. There's not an opportune day. It is just is. Second, Christmas is still coming into (or is in the midst of) your life, and you will still move through it. The sun will still rise and set, and friends and family (and you) will still observe, and hopefully, still celebrate the day(s). And third, you will get through it. Even in the tough moments of being newly diagnosed, you will begin to walk your path through breast cancer.
My heart empathizes with each of you who have just now experienced a diagnosis, or will be in the throws of a new diagnosis in these next days. Know that there are others who have been there, and who have survived the traumatic ordeal - those who have come out the other side, and now Christmastime holds only memories of that time. And know that the new memories you will make will one day overshadow those that were more painful for you. Your new holiday experiences can be woven into those that are difficult, somehow making them less frightening anymore. 🙂
There's never a good time for a breast cancer diagnosis - but you will get through it this Christmas. May you find friends and family hold you close, and may the hope of Jesus bathe your spirit and give you strength to find joy in the midst.
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great words. 🙂
@blondietoad I'm so sorry your diagnosis happened around the holidays. It makes sense that conversation would revolve around your new diagnosis. People genuinely care. I just remember not wanting to talk about it (in depth) to many others. I was still adjusting myself. But a cancer diagnosis thrusts us into the limelight, for sure.
I had the same regiment as you are beginning. I ended up taking only 11 weeks, as the neuropathy began to take hold, but the last four week of AC was fine. You can do this. Week by week. Hugs. 🙂
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1 Reaction@sgorecki It starts by looking for those things that are good - maybe it's just being thankful for a warm home, or the sunshine, or an ice cold glass of milk with a fresh-out-of-the-oven cookie. Seems insignificant, but when you turn your thoughts to be thankful for things, you begin to notice those things all the time. The "easier" blessings can be those most evident, like a good job, a great relationship with someone, children, grandchildren, pets, financial security, hobbies. . . the point being, not whether you have this blessing or that blessing (as compared to someone else), but that you do, indeed, have blessings. And we all have them. Focusing your mind on those good things almost helps to "press out" the bad. And you begin to train your mind to see these things in the everyday.
For example - I have a real love and appreciation for the eastern sunlight now, after BC. So. . . yes, the sun has been rising from the east forever! But I took it for granted. I let those warm rays fall on my skin and went about my day like every other day. But when I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom (because I did not feel well), and I would sit near the window (eastern exposure) and watch outside. I'd see all the activity of the farm life outside - saw the cattle, the workers, saw my grandchildren, found people waving - and saw one of our employees who would always (and I mean always) look up to me when he did this particular task every morning. His smile and wave brightened my mornings. That was a blessing to me. It was a real gift. :). So - check! that was a blessing. :).
The larger blessing, though, was what I gained from that sunrise every day. I learned to love the eastern light, and appreciate it for what it was. It was bright, it was warm, it represented newness and a new start (and in cancer treatment, some days you just need to focus on a new start). It was welcoming, it dispelled the darkness that I sometimes fell into with being sad. And it was dependable. It was rock solid. It was always. there. The eastern sun reminded me of the Lord. It reminded me that God calls it into place each day - and that, in turn, reminded me that God was in control (and still is). So - check! check! check! Those are all blessings. One instance of noticing the eastern sunlight turned into multiple (multiple) good thoughts and feeling thankful. It's been four years since my diagnosis, and I still see the eastern light with all those reminders of blessings. That sunlight reminds me of the newness of the day, and that I am still here to enjoy it. 🙂
Phillippians 4:8. No truer words ever written about this subject. Think. on. good. things. Not just even when it's hard, but especially when it's hard. It's been a lifeline for me to practice this in my daily. Some days, I do it well; some days, not so well. The point being - I am still doing my best to live in my mind this way. Good thoughts.
Writing your blessings down is paramount. I've experienced PTSD and understand how debilitating that can be - but reading your own words will carry you on days you don't feel strong enough to find praiseworthy things at the moment. Your words will remind you that you've once seen those blessing before - and those blessings will be named and recorded to help you remember. Reading those blessings in your own handwriting will help begin to turn your thoughts (again) toward them.
God gives us so many avenues of blessings - though His Word, though other people, through achievements (like completing your cancer treatments), though experiences, though wisdom and understanding. . . (just to name a few). It's training yourself to truly see them. And I believe that is a lifelong process.
Just start small. Get a pencil and a notebook or journal, and begin to rest a few moments. Ask God to show you your blessings. And then watch the free fall in the days and weeks to come. You will begin to notice those good things, many of which have been there all along. . . like my eastern sunlight. 🙂
Hope this helps.
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3 Reactions@sgorecki, My psychologist noted how much the "why me" was torturing me, making me angry, making me anxious, and making me expect the worst for what is coming. She explained that going into surgery with such a frame of mind would make recovery more difficult, slow, and painful, according to investigation on the subject. She asked me, what happens if you think about the "why me" of good things. What it does is that it helps me put the negative "why me" into perspective. If I put things in the balance, on the other plate, I have the "why me" of my privileges. So, on the negative side I have the why me of rectal cáncer, why me of a rare and complicated secondary effect of radiotherapy, why me of a new polyp less than a year after RT, why me of it's a pre-cancerous polyp, why me of the way of fixing all this is a complicated surgery with a long recovery. On the positive side: why me of an extremely attentive and supportive husband, why me of 3 of my kids and their girlfriends being supportive, why me of a supportive sister-in-law, why me of having access to the best colo-rectal surgeon in town, why me of having access to one of the best hospitals in town, why me of not having to wait for many month for the surgery, and so on.
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2 ReactionsThank you thank you!! It’s good to know that the chemo wasn’t so bad. I start tomorrow and I’m pretty terrified. Single mom, still working and hope to continue (no travel but I can work from home). Hoping for the best!
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3 Reactions@rhongirl @verol65 Thank you both for these thoughtful responses! I am going to come back and read your words on the hard days.
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4 Reactions