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← Return to Optimism Versus Pessimism
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Thanks, Scott. That's a good example. I tend to the positive side, e.g. "I'm so lucky that I live in a rich country where I get excellent medical care and the latest treatments" rather than "It's so unfair that this happened to me" (though I wouldn't be human if I didn't indulge in the second one sometimes).
That said, I learned through CBT (Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy) that the ideal goal isn't optimism or pessimism but realism, because it's the most sustainable:
The optimist says that the glass is half full.
The pessimist says that the glass is half empty.
The realist acknowledges that they'll need to refill the glass soon, but also that they have enough water in it for right now.
Replies to "Thanks, Scott. That's a good example. I tend to the positive side, e.g. "I'm so lucky..."
Thank you for this comment. I appreciate a positive attitude, and am typically a glass half full type of person. However, I found myself resenting the directive to stay positive from so many people, in regards to my cancer journey. I found it to be unhelpful, & added pressure that I didn’t need. There are not only two options, but I couldn’t name what I was feeling. Thank you for doing that for me; realist. I am thankful for the great medical team I have, my supportive family & friends. At the same time, I am sad for the things I have lost, the daily struggles, pain, & sometimes that gets me down. Realistic seems to be the healthiest option.
This reminds me of a discussion I had with a friend in an Amsterdam bar in the nineties. Rather than just realist, optimist, or pessimist, we added other ists such as the following.
Communist: Glass and water belong to state
Socialist: Water for everyone
Misogynist: I hate the girly water
Buddhist: Maybe the water is or it is not.
Hedonist: The water turns me on
Scientist: It is actually not glass but a high-density polymer
Environmentalist: The water is probably toxic anyway
and so on.
While I am generally optimistic, I do believe that there is value in acknowledging negative emotions. They are real and to pretend they do not exist is a recipe for depression. As a Stoic I know the only thing under my control is my mind and my choices. So when I feel anger I choose to acknowlege it and replace it with a positive thought and then act on the positive. As Mom said, you must know the bitter to know the sweet.
Best always,
s!
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Hi northoftheborder,
I agree completely.
Toxic positivity can be just as bad as pessimism.
(And equally annoying to the realist.)