I am the mother of a 43 year old son with Depression. It was first evident in adolescence and he had some therapy but it didn’t become serious until he was in his 30s. He spent a month in Sierra Tucson’s Mood Disorder program after a major episode six years ago. I now reside with him and his ex-wife and seven year old son. We chose to live “together” despite their (amicable) divorce in a two unit home (so we have our private spaces) for economic reasons as well as their desire to co-parent their child and benefit from a multigenerational household. My son is in a masters degree program due to his desire to change careers but hasn’t been gainfully employed for a few years so I basically support him financially. He is on Lexapro and sees a therapist every week. Due to his unemployment he is on Medi-Cal (CA’s Medicaid) so is limited to in network providers. He says that his very infrequent moments of feeling okay just do not last and he’s then back in a slump again in the form of not wanting to get out of bed, feeling nothing will ever change or get better, feeling that nothing he has tried has helped, etc. His psychiatric nurse just upped his Lexapro to 15 mg. She is a fairly new practitioner (due to our move across country) and it’s a fairly new med for him - previously he was on other antidepressants and on Lithium (but he isn’t bipolar.)
You mentioned a supportive wife. I am wondering what she has done that helps you since there doesn’t appear to be much that I can do to help him. I’ve gone to therapy myself and come away with the acknowledgment that this is his battle, not mine and that I cannot fix it. He says he feels bad for me since he knows I’m trying to help to no avail and he often apologizes for being the way he is. I have some training as a psychologist and I genuinely believe in the parity between mental illness and physical illness. I spent five years caring for my late husband during his losing battle with cancer and I feel as if I’m in the same scenario - trying to help and support a person with a potentially terminal illness. As you said, different things help different people but it is frustrating - for him and for me - to having limited success.