@faithwalker007

I'm not in your league when it comes to surgeries, but I've had my share, not many electives. I guess a deviated septum procedure might be labeled elective, but I could breathe freely for the first time in my life. Cataracts, gall bladder removal, emergency toxic mega colon, 80% removed, 45" small intestine resection, peptic ulcers, bowel obstructions, SCS implant, 2x right shoulder, torn menisci right knee, brostrom procedure and implant of an internal brace in left ankle, and the recent spinal stenosis surgery. Generally, I've been blessed with good health all my life, and everything I listed above is relatively minor. I do have a number of things that require attention, esophageal dysmotility, silent reflux, sleep apnea, diplopia, decreased taste and smell, numb fingertips, bladder and bowel problems, ED, pain that has progressed from the balls of my feet and moving up my legs. Most of these things are almost certainly related to autonomic neuropathy and idiopathic small fiber peripheral polyneuropathy. Knowing that only indicates a cause. But because neuropathy isn't curable, we can only treat the symptoms, and as you know, that's no simple matter.

I only mentioned the physical issues I deal with. I began treatment of major depression in 2003. Within 2 years, depression was severe, making it impossible to function in my job, so I retired at 55 on Social Security disability. In 2005 and 06, I attempted suicide a number of times, and I self admitted to a new, very nice facility for people who have attempted suicide, and stayed for 6 weeks (typical stay is 3 days). After that I started therapy and met with a psychiatrist weekly for several months, to assess my mental health and find meds to treat it. He told me that I had major depression (no surprise there), anxiety disorder, OCD, and PTSD. I'd lived with those things a long time, unaware that there were treatments for them, just thinking that it was normal.

So, having a duel diagnosis of physical and mental illnesses, it's been really hard to keep going. Pain control and therapy for depression et al, along with the other things that come my way are an ongoing challenge. Pain and depression exacerbate each other. When the pain gets bad, I'm more depressed. Called a vicious circle. And the presence of depression, anxiety and PTSD makes it really difficult for me to do things like what we've been discussing, becoming an active advocate for those of us who have severe chronic pain. Just dealing with the volume of messages in my inbox is more than I can do many days. For me, yard work and the care of our place is therapeutic, both for depression and for pain. Even that can be overwhelming. For now, I work to take life one day at a time.

I'm rambling on, but I've come to the end of my ability to articulate.

You're an amazing person.

Jim