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It’s because I love you…
"We can’t plan for everything. But we can talk about what is most important — in our life, and in our health care — with those who matter most." The Conversation Project
The Conversation Project (https://theconversationproject.org/) helps people talk about their wishes for care through the end of life (advanced directives), so those wishes can be understood and respected. The offer guides, conversations starter tips and more to help you start a conversation (and keep talking) so you can have a say in your health care — today and tomorrow.
This week the Conversation Project shared a poem by Susan Ruddy-Maysonet (@susanruddymaysonet), a nurse from Mayo Clinic, that I would like to re-post here with permission. "It's because I love you" is a wonderful reminder of why these conversations are important and that love and caring are the reason why we should talk.
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IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU...
By Susan E. Ruddy-Maysonet RN MSN,
It’s because I love you that I want u to know just how much in the event I am no longer able to speak the words ” I love you”.
It’s because I love you and you have been everything to me, and know me, at times better than I know myself.
It’s because I love you that I can’t think of anyone else to give this most precious, but challenging gift to.
It’s because I love you that I am asking you to hold me tight when possible, as your hugs will remind me how much I am loved.
It’s because I love you that you will sense my heart and arms wrapped around you in return.
It’s because I love you that you will feel God’s strength and love, as I would have asked HIM to help you make difficult choices on my behalf and reassure you that no one can do this task better.
It’s because I love you and am most confident that you will be able to help all those near and dear to me understand the choices I have made, including you to be my voice, in the event I didn’t have the chance to tell them myself.
It’s because I love you that we need to take time out of our busy lives today to talk about this tomorrow we hope will never come.
It’s because I love you that I want you to be prepared in case it does.
Let’s talk.
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It's still so hard. If I drive down the road close to where she used to
live, I cry. Sometimes I cry for no reason at all. Grief is a constant
companion. But I am learning to love life again. I have people who need me.
I have to keep trying. Love you, friend.
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8 ReactionsMy wife and I have had these discussions, especially since I had a stroke.
We're prepared legally (will, trust, etc.), but I don't think there's really any way to prepare emotionally.
We have both lost parents and siblings, but as important as those relationships are, they pale compared to losing a spouse.
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6 ReactionsI created an "End of Life" binder with several sections, including a one-page "Read Me First" cover page w/critical info, followed by a checklist and table of contents for my designated executor. It includes the contract w/the funeral home (pre-arrangements) and other key documents. It took awhile to organize but it is worth it.
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6 Reactionstoano | @toano
I have done the same. Last year after my sister died, I had to handle everything. No will. No executor named. With privacy laws I could not access anything.
My binder list everything someone would need to settle my affairs. Copies of trusts, wills, health care directive, etc...
This list from my local bank is helpful to know what important documents everyone should have available:
https://www.thinkbank.com/live-prepared--get-these-25-key-papers-in-order
Laurie
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5 Reactions@toano
Great forward-thinking! Sounds like you covered the business and medical care choices should you not be able to communicate them yourself?
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2 Reactions@roch
This is a great list! thank you for sharing it. My condolences on the loss of your sister. I share with patients that one's life experiences learned through those of significant others. friends, community or news are often times the trigger to think about starting the conversation and getting things in order.
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2 ReactionsI've had 3 cancer's and a clinical trial......we were thinking maybe 5 more years? Drs., had no clue. I asked my husband to hold me in his arms and let me go to sleep, it was the hardest thing in the world, or so I thought. My husband was diagnosed with neuroendocrine Cancer PNET and not curable.....I am in remission now. As long as there is love, understanding and peace. Our girls don't want to talk either, I have offered therapy etc. I told the girls this is the circle of life, parents are not supposed to bury a child. That is a tragedy, this is the circle.....
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5 ReactionsAll so hard. So many people say “IF I die, I want......”
Our human condition doesn’t want to accept that it’s WHEN I die, no exceptions.
As they say “Nobody gets out alive.”