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Cancer: Being diagnosed during the holiday season
This is a just a reach-out to those out there who will be diagnosed or have just been recently diagnosed during this Christmas season. I received my telephone call on Christmas Eve Day, 3 pm. I remember where I was, what I was doing, and what day it was. And I remember wondering how I was going to garner up enough composure to host my family dinner that evening. That was four years ago.
The holiday season, for me, now brings along with it those moments of feeling sad and anxious. These are brief moments, sometimes including flashbacks of things I remember from the cancer treatment period (and multiples surgeries after) woven into my daily. Like losing a loved one during the holiday season, a serious illness can also be attached to those mile-marker holidays for each of us who receives a breast cancer diagnosis near Christmas.
First, it's important to remember there is a never a good time to receive such a diagnosis. There's not an opportune day. It is just is. Second, Christmas is still coming into (or is in the midst of) your life, and you will still move through it. The sun will still rise and set, and friends and family (and you) will still observe, and hopefully, still celebrate the day(s). And third, you will get through it. Even in the tough moments of being newly diagnosed, you will begin to walk your path through breast cancer.
My heart empathizes with each of you who have just now experienced a diagnosis, or will be in the throws of a new diagnosis in these next days. Know that there are others who have been there, and who have survived the traumatic ordeal - those who have come out the other side, and now Christmastime holds only memories of that time. And know that the new memories you will make will one day overshadow those that were more painful for you. Your new holiday experiences can be woven into those that are difficult, somehow making them less frightening anymore. 🙂
There's never a good time for a breast cancer diagnosis - but you will get through it this Christmas. May you find friends and family hold you close, and may the hope of Jesus bathe your spirit and give you strength to find joy in the midst.
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Just diagnosed on December 11, 2023 with Stage 1a IDC. Surgery planned for 1/9/2023. This is a very depressing time to be diagnosed. Also, I am a polio survivor so I feel like I have sustained a double whammy. I am normally very strong willed, never feel sorry for myself, but I am having trouble getting past "Why me?" I have a great husband who is a rock but I never wanted people to feel sorry for me. This has been a very tough Christmas season for me.
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9 ReactionsThank you all for sharing your experiences and wisdom! Merry Christmas. Hugs.
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1 ReactionGemjaynes…. Thats a day you’ll always remember to get the “Squash” done. 😉❤️
@javagirl Like you, I'm not one to feel sorry for myself and my husband is great at supporting me, and like you, I don't want people to feel sorry for me. That tip from my psychologist is really helping me when the question "why me" invades my mind. And as @ebtexas55 has suggested, I've started writing those positive "why me"; it's even more powerful to see them on paper.
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10 ReactionsThank you for posting this! It’s been a tough holiday season here. Got my diagnosis during Thanksgiving weekend. Since then it’s been a lot of Dr appointments and traveling back and forth to Mayo. I also feel like it’s bad news after bad news as more tests are run and I get my treatment plan. I feel like cancer robbed me of precious time with my family as one of the few times we all get together is over the holidays. We still got together, but I had to leave for a day and a half to go to Mayo, and it seemed like every conversation revolved around my cancer. Nice to know there are others feeling the same way, though not nice that we’re all feeling this way :). I’m hoping to start treatment this week as soon as my insurance finally approves my pre-surgical ACT (T weekly for 12 weeks, then AC every other week for 4 treatments).
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5 ReactionsI didn't finish chemo and radiation for IDC until Dec. 22, 2023. The holidays were not something I could even think about.
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3 ReactionsI have been writing about my cancer (to the extent that I could) since my abnormal mammogram in July this past year. I've written all my life, in English grad school and during 20+ years as a board certified appellate lawyer. I am also an award-winning published poet. I have quite a few things to say about my IDC cancer patient experience. I'm not sure if this will be a book or an article.
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6 ReactionsWhat did your psychologist say that helped with the "why me" feeling? And what kind of positive things do you write on paper? If you don't mind sharing, I think this could really help me.
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2 Reactions@cancerwifemom Oh, my. I'm so sorry to hear about how everything unfolded for you. Sometimes, those portal check-ins are not so helpful. (I learned to promise myself I would not check the portal on major things - even blood counts, for I found myself frightened to do so, or not understanding the results. . . so I made a promise to myself to stop looking, and wait for the doctor. And I did. :). ). I can only imagine finding out about your diagnosis that by reading it online. Of course, you would have trauma from learning about it that way, and it is easy to understand how the holidays would be a trigger for you. I pray that with time, it will lessen. Reentering life more fully helps, too, though I think it's normal to have everything rest in the recesses of your mind. Memories do that. Just give yourself time for some of that to fade, and continue to press on into the life you lead now with your children close by. Hugs.
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2 ReactionsGood for you, @verol65 I don't think we're born with the ability to naturally look for good things among the bad. Life has a way of teaching us this out of necessity. I've found God speeds up that process when we ask for help! :). There's a scripture in Phillippians 4, verse 8 that says it beautifully:
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
I learned about this process of focusing on good things when my third child was diagnosed with cancer. . . and it made all the difference. We have to teach ourselves to do this - to look for things that are good and praiseworthy. And we can find them, even in cancer. If we can't find them right away, we shouldn't be discouraged, because it takes practice. At least it did for me. Even after learning this valuable lesson, I can still fall prey to being discouraged. But ebtexas55 is right - each day has blessings, and I might add, even when those blessings might seem insignificant to others. It's like finding something praiseworthy gives our mind and spirit a time to rest enough to manage the strain. :). Hugs.
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