birdielox - you are displaying many symptoms of being bipolar and you are "at the age" this mental health disorder can emerge..however it be hard to diagnose but there is lots "there" going on with you so my sense is this disorder but be investigated and ruled in or out. In fact, other mental health issues may need to be addressed as well.
You must reach out to someone you trust to help you. Family, friends/their parents, school counselor, spiritual guide, or medical physician or do an on line search for mental health organizations who can, at least point, you in the right direction.
I can not emphasize this enough. You are NOT a bad person! It seems a possible mental health issue is brewing, starting to show its ugly face and it's NOT your fault! If you don't get help now...my sense things will only get more difficult for you. Take action and don't accept this "as is"...your life does not have to be this way. You can achieve mental and physical well being! But put the wheels in motion.
Just another thought...how is your home life? Is it good, normal, functional, happy or the opposite of what I just described? Is there trauma going on in your life which no one knows about? Please try your best to get help and enlist the help of people who love and care about you. This is, no doubt, a very tough situation you are in BUT you can get out of it with the right help/possible treatment. Wishing you all the very best!