Hi @dloos, I have been where you are and others were farther ahead of me, too. Please be kind to yourself while you're going through such an upheaval of life. Long covid is very unfortunate and I'm sorry that you're feeling frustrated and non accepting, I get that 100%. I also understand Dr Google researching and trying to find a fix or a cure just to be able to get back to life as you once knew it. While some of us never can get back to that version there are certainly ways to work through what it is your facing and hopefully lessen symptoms or learn how to respond different. Have you heard of the Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Center?

This sounds like me before Pain Management Therapy "... It seems to me acceptance is giving up, and I can’t give up!...
Acceptance is not giving up, it is the key to finding your way forward. Let me tell you my story.
I am a "fair rat" in Minnesota, where our wonderful fair lasts 12 days, and in my "before" days, I wanted to be there all day, all 12 days...6-8 of those days volunteering 4-8 hours in various booths, then staying on to enjoy the sights and sounds, plus going one day with extended family, and another with my husband - arriving by 9am and staying until after dark. Add a one hour commute to each end of this...
Suddenly, Covid intervened, the Fair was cancelled, I learned that I didn't "just hurt", but had a condition called Chronic Pain Syndrome to go along with my asthma, bronchiectasis, arthritis and a hyperactive inflammatory response to...everything. I entered into a Pain Rehab Program...halfway. I met with the PM specialist, got on some new (no narco/no NSAID) meds, added an amazing PT.
In 2022, the Fair was back in full swing, and in spite of cautions by my husband and pain management team, I scheduled back-to-back-to-back long days at the Fair...and the day after Labor Day I CRASHED! I was out of commission for a whole week.
In 2023, I added a psychologist to my team. Yes, it was recommended earlier, but I didn't think I needed it. Following my new philosophy of being intentional & safeguarding my well-being, I scheduled 6 days at the fair, with a one day break between each. I limited volunteering to one favorite group, and declined requests to fill extra volunteer shifts. At the last day, I had enough energy to make a last pass around the ground to catch the sights I had missed. And I was fully able to participate in the "back to school" celebration at my daughter's house the next day - no crash.

So, you can teach an old lady new tricks.

A new trick this year - we used to drive home from Texas to Minnesota for the holidays - 24 hours of driving EACH way. Now we FLY - 9 hours door-to-door, including the trips to and from the airport - and we are not totally worn out for 3 days after arrival. One good night of sleep and we're ready to go! Because we scheduled in advance, it might even have been cheaper than gas, motels and meals!

@rwinney I too love the holidays - gifting, decorating, baking, entertaining... here are a few of my new tricks.
Everyone gets to choose ONE favorite treat to be made. Some are made in advance & frozen; others are a group activity. My kids, and even my little grandkids, have learned that Grammie needs them to do the clean up after these adventures.
My 4' tree and display shelves take under 4 hours to put up.
I did all my shopping on-line with local pickup (no worrying about delayed delivery) and picked it up today. Tomorrow I will wrap.
Christmas Eve dinner is a handful of traditional dishes plus a kid-friendly one, we open gifts & go to church after the kids go home to bed.
Christmas Day, with my our kids, sister & 3 of her kids is low-key, late in the day after kids have had time to play with their new toys - a potluck of favorite dishes that changes every year, and switches between our homes.
I still entertain extended family - with a post-Christmas evening of appetizers, desserts and beverages. And a fun activity for the little kids (ages 4-9) supervised by the aunts and uncles, followed by playing in the guest room - Legos, play store & kitchen, kid card games- little adult intervention required. Adults and older teens visit in the living & dining rooms - and the 3-season porch is the low-noise quiet space, usually with a jigsaw puzzle or table game in progress.
Other than Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, there is at least one recovery day between each active day. If energy permits, we'll invite a few neighbors in one evening for very simple appetizers and desserts.
This schedule allows us to enjoy the season - with a few outings to see the lights, enjoyat least one Christmas performance, and see friends. But we are sane and healthy at the end, and ready to travel back to our Texas home.
So, accepting is...accommodating, adjusting, seeing a new reality - but not giving up.
Sue