Unfortunately the modern medical model is broken. After fifteen years of countless tests, doctors visits and complete loss of my physical and mental health, along with the loss of my family and my freedom I somehow decided to try to figure out what was wrong with me.

It sounds overly simple but I just started Googling my symptoms, diagnosis, treatments and medications. I was horrified at how readily available the information and answers to my questions were and are. I have a great deal of experience doing research, (I owned an investment management firm for twenty years) but I didn't need any experience. The answers were right there. First page Google search.

In the investment business companies hide things. Digging is hard and requires a lot of experience to separate the nonsense from the actionable. Healthcare research is different. The information is everywhere. Yes, one needs to separate the biased from the unbiased but that is fairly easy.

If the research is sponsored by an entity that has a profit or political motive I reject it. One place to be careful is the FDA. The FDA does little to no research of their own. They get their data from Big Pharma and then decide based on that information. The FDA is a political organization. I give little credit to anything that comes from them. Doctors do, so I sometimes reference the FDA when I approach my providers.

In my experience most providers do little to no independent research, they do not have the time even if they were so inclined. Most providers know what the drug companies tell them. The exception does seem to be healthcare associated with teaching hospitals or institutions like Mayo Clinic that have a long history of public service.

I was dying from a host of physical and mental ailments.

As a result of the treatment and medications I was on I am completely disabled so I have the time. And no one is more motivated to ease my suffering than me. After spending the month of July doing research I went to my providers with what I found and told them what I wanted. Yeah, I ruffled a few feathers but after a little resistance they actually seemed relieved that someone was taking charge.

I am certain had this not happened I would be dead by now, probably by my own hand.

I am not out of the woods yet, but my trajectory is upward and I continue to make course corrections when necessary. I am well enough to have started a company providing research to other sufferers and their provider's. But you don't need me. No one does. No one is more motivated then the person who is suffering. All you need is an internet connection and the ability to read.

Would I prefer to have checked in to Mayo Clinic and let them work their magic? Sure! Unfortunately that is not an option for most people given the state of healthcare in the United States. It is imperative that I manage my providers. The days when I just do what they tell me are gone.

As an example two weeks ago I talked to my psychiatric provider about the fact that my sleep is all messed up from the meds I've been on. The very first thing she did was offer me two new sleep meds. I told her I would like to to do my own research before I take anything. No surprise, first page Google search turned up a page from Mayo Clinic clearly stating that the recommended sleep meds should not be taken with two other medications my provider knows I am on. This was easy validated by the second and third results.

Overworked, unconscious, medical providers along with my own negligence took everyone and everything that ever mattered to me away. No more! I need doctors to bounce my ideas off of, write prescriptions and order tests, other than that I am my primary care provider. No one else really knows what's going on with me anyway. The don't have the time.

You clearly have something systemic going on. I am not qualified to tell you what that is. But you are.

For what it's worth I believe you! I've been there too.

I wish you good health and peace.