Connect
← Return to Things people say to "help"
Discussion
Comment receiving replies
A thought about your sister who "numbs" out. In my humble opinion there is a major reason for this...having been "numbed" out for long periods in my own life. Trauma.
She does care about things but her "numbness" inhibits here from fully functioning and being in the moment.
This "numbness" is actually an emotional defense mechanism. Most likely learned from a young age in childhood. And most folks do not know how trauma literally can change the brain and not for the better. And such changes can be life long - especially when there are layers upon layers of trauma and it started in the formative years of childhood brain development.
It's so good to read you care about your sister despite it being "hard" to be around her.
You might think "my sister never had trauma in her life"...but this you truly do not know. What was a "nothing" incident for you - might have traumatized her without anyone else even knowing it.
Believe me, been there, done that. Anyone looking at me from the "outside" would see a highly functional, high achiever who accomplished much in life. But very few people know my inner world. And lots of people would not even "get it" so I say "nothing". But I paid a very high price for my trauma and numbness and still do to this day. The difference now is I am AWARE of it. Before, I was too numb to know!
Continue to care and love your sister. She will not be in your life forever. In the meantime simply try to be a bit more understanding. There may be so much you don't know about her and, most likely, will never know.
Replies to "A thought about your sister who "numbs" out. In my humble opinion there is a major..."
Thank you, sincerely, for picking up on my sister's numbness.
There is more to our history than you know, and probably more to her history - or experience of life - than she will ever share with me, in spite of my many gentle, understanding and varied attempts to "be" with her.
She is a successful doctor, yet tried to take her own life.
I don't know what could be next.
For me, in my life experience, one of the hardest things is no interaction....a feeling of 'not being seen, invalidating of my existence, experiences, tge knowledge I've gained & is hard-won from decades of trying to identify, and then state out loud (unsuccessfully) the dynamics and impact of them on my life, as well as the toll it took and was lashed out between my parents.
I will leave this story of lifelong grieving for now.
Again, thank you for your wisdom in "seeing" my sister's pain & struggle from the little I shared in my first post.
Connect
Oh how true. Oh how you get it. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD because of a traumatized childhood. I had a horrible mother. As I reach the end of my life people say I am so strong. I don't feel strong. I was just fighting for my life. Part of this involved leaving her and travelling to a different country on my own. Yes, I am an immigrant. I was able to find a job and a place to live. And I just went on from there. But you are right. We are left with lifelong scars. One of my sons has stopped speaking to me. I am not in his life anymore. It is hard. On the other hand, my other son is much more loving and understanding when he actually listened to why I was diagnosed. And so it goes. Happy New Year to all.