Good morning, Ronnie. I’m so sorry about your loss. Truly. I know my husband, Barry, may die the next time he gets cancer. If not, he may have another hemorrhagic stroke and the neurologist said he’ll never survive another one like that. It was a miracle he survived the first one. He has a hole in the frontal lobe so his ability to handle his mood and anxiety are nil. I never know when I walk into the room what mood he will be in, I know God is using it to teach me more patience. I take care of him but he takes care of me as well. So I know you must miss your husband very much. It is hard to nurse someone with cancer.

Because God healed me from my abusive childhood, I have a passion to help other abused women. I also work with the homeless and most all of them have been abused, men and women. I am sponsoring a few women right now to guide them in the right direction to recovery. One of them nursed her husband with bone cancer for three years until he died. It put her over the edge and they found her on the sidewalk unable to tell the Deputy anything except, “my husband died.“ It is very sad.

Please forgive me because my memory is so bad… LOL… But did you write about having chronic pain? I can’t see the post. I’ve been in chronic pain from various sources for 49 years. I can’t say that you ever get used to it. I gave up on pain medicine a couple of years ago and told them to get me off of it. Because I was on the pump 10 years, I t took 11 months to wean me, but I’m glad that I did. Everything worked for a year or so, but eventually I needed more and then a different opiate.

I started out on morphine after few years it didn’t work anymore so they put me on snail venom. That worked until I started having audio hallucinations. I’m not kidding! I heard music all the time. I couldn’t make out any words but I could hear the instruments and voices in the background. No, I was not schizophrenic! LOL. It got so bad and so loud that one day I called my sweet neighbor and asked her if her teenagers were blasting a stereo. She said she was taking a nap and the kids weren’t home! Boy did I feel like an idiot. When I first told my doctor she said she had never read that but when she looked at blogs, lots of people complained about it.

So finally it was Dilaudid. When I had my last spinal surgery for degenerative disc disease, the lunatic surgeon cut the lead to my spine and I overdosed. He said it was an accident!!! My local pain management doctor and neurologist said that no surgeon accidentally cut the lead to the intrathecal pain pump. It was in his way and he was lazy. When I return from my follow-up visit I said to him, “Dr., you put me through hell.“ It didn’t go over too well. LOL. Like I would ever go back to him. For 12 days I hallucinated, Head sweats, nausea and vomiting constantly. I couldn’t even keep down water. When they finally discharge me, I was sent to a nursing home for rehab for two months. It was awful. So unless I have a broken bone or surgery, I won’t take narcotics ever again. I have had to since then and I only take them for a few days. I saw it destroyed my father. He was already an angry man, but it turned him into a raging maniac. Constant doses of hydrocodone day after day, year after year, decade after decade. If he tries to skip a few days, he has rebound migraines that make him feel like he’s going to die or wants to.

I never impose what I need to do for myself on others. Some people it works for and I’m happy for them. Have a nice day my friend and God bless you. I’m in Florida also.

Peggy