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in reply to @IndianaScott Today I saw my PCP and discussed with him this new advance healthcare directive I am completing, which contains my sister as my "agent." I told him that I really didn't trust her to do the right thing, nor would I think that she would make the 30 minute drive to the hospital "just in case" the plug has to be pulled. I wanted to know if I could leave it blank, and just have the attending doctor follow my instructions. No, He wondered if I had any friends who I trusted, and I said that I used to, but since I got sick, most of them have disappeared. This is true. I was sitting there going through my head trying to think of a friend I could trust, and my mind was blank. So, I guess the sister has to remain as my agent. I have accepted that my former "friends" have fled, but sometimes it is a bit heartbreaking to know that the only reason these people have essentially abandoned me is because I have a rare disease. The women literally speed up on their walks when they see me approaching.
I wrote out a card this evening to a former neighbor hoping to reconnect. Sometimes it doesn't work out. In fact, the last time I spoke to someone I had reconnected with and who stopped contacting me, she accused me of "overthinking" the situation when I called her on it. I am waiting for one of her useless holiday cards with photos of people I don't even know, and which has nothing written on the back. I will write, "refused" and send it back.
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Frances, I get it.
After my stroke, I spent four weeks in two different hospitals, hundreds of miles from home. I was scared, isolated, miserably uncomfortable...and did I mention scared?
I couldn't talk very well, but I sent emails and texts to everyone on my contact list. Most never responded at all. Of those who did, most drifted off after one or two responses.
In some ways, that hurt more than the stroke. People I had known for years, even decades, suddenly didn't know me anymore.
Those few who've stayed in touch have been great, but sadly, none are physically close to me.
But I think there are always answers. Keep looking. After nearly five years, it's what I do.
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Hi, @frances007 I agree this is another of the tough rows to hoe during a tough time in life.
As to your advance directives, I know of folks who identified a trusted professional/advisor who agreed to function in this role. In my case, I have our daughter and our long-time family attorney who have agreed to this role. Personally, I believe the decisions that need to be made are too crucial to leave to someone you don't trust fully. The unexpected can happen. Years back my wife and I were at a little league baseball game with our young son when she got a call that her aunt had been in a bike/car accident and her daughters were asking for my wife to join them at the hospital. Turns out, while the aunt's daughters had all the POAs they needed, they simply couldn't tell the staff to turn off the machines so they asked my wife to be the one to do it.
As far as communicating with friends of old, I have taken the path of not setting any expectations nor trying to change anything if they don't bring it up. Yes, I wish much of their communications were more detailed and personal, however, I value getting anything from them at this time of year. I also realize I never know what might be going on in their lives that they are keeping personal. An example is a long-time high school chum of mine who would write me every year and then suddenly quit. I'd write him pleading for him to get back in touch. It wasn't until his wife dropped me a line telling me he'd had a stroke and could no longer correspond and my asking him to write made him feel badly. So now my letters are just newsy and light.
Certainly no easy solutions to human interactions, right? 🙂
Strength, Courage, & Peace