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Well, this is a timely topic with all of the holiday gatherings this time of year...
I think some people can be pretty heartless, especially when they can't SEE what is wrong. With people like this, which includes most of my family, there is no response that will "wake" them up. For me, I have given up on trying to respond.
I think some people just don't know what to say, so they repeat phrases like "It is what it is," even though the phrases don't really fit the situation. I guess we can look for other clues (tone, body language, eye contact) to see if that person is truly sympathetic but doesn't know what to say, and then we can decide how to respond.
I am really interested in what members have to say here! Thanks for bringing up the topic.
Replies to "Well, this is a timely topic with all of the holiday gatherings this time of year......"
in reply to @annewoodmayo Yes, I kind of like the response, "what is is, that is?" I have to admit something about the makeup. I don't spend a lot of time putting it on, and 80 percent of the reason I began wearing it was because I did want to look a bit more "alive" and it has been nice to get some compliments. On the other hand, Sunday I went to the pharmacy "as is" and even said to the pharmacist, "I didn't even wear makeup, and I know I look awful." She said, "It's Sunday and it's raining, who cares?" Then she gave me a $50 Starbucks gift card and some dandelion root tea, as it does have some healing properties, and has helped me with some of my stomach issues. I feel so fortunate to know people like this who really "care" while there are so many who just don't, or don't know how to "care."
My doctor friend thinks people act toward me as they do because they think I have cancer and do not know what to say.
Maybe I could try saying, : "I am fasting from people because it is so important to me."
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Thank you for your comments! Yes, "heartless" certainly applies often. And it does seem that most people don't know what to say. Just "being there" is a million times more help than repeating stupid cliches. I was a radio newscaster for several years, and one of the scariest things to avoid is "dead air." I believe it's the same with people trying to help. They get uncomfortable when they are trying to help and there is dead air. So they think of anything they can to say. Saying nothing or only responding when asked and just being there can often (mostly?) be the best thing to do.