in reply to @dougkeon We must have the same relatives. I spent a better part of my career with Nationwide Insurance, and when they came out with that ad campaign, "Life Comes at You Fast", it became my sister's response to nearly everything under the sun. I kept telling her she needed to be a little more original, even if the statement is true. My sister also uses that line you mentioned, and I understand how you feel when this is said, even if the person saying it "might" care about what you are going through, but is unable to find the "best" way to encourage or support you. Or, "it could always be worse." Of course it could! Or, "it is God's will." A friendship of mine ended as a result of that one because I asked her if it was really God's will that so many children are killed each year as a result of mass shootings. I heard someone say to me recently, "I'm just sayin." Or, "it's all good." Many just don't "get it" and when they try to express concern or empathy, they end up sticking their foot in their mouth, just like when the woman who said it "is God's will" told me I looked like a Holocaust victim and needed to wear make up so I would not look so gaunt.

A few days ago I ran into a friend/neighbor I had not seen in a couple of months, and she looked at me and said, "there is something about you that looks different." I mentioned I had just gotten new glasses, but she said that wasn't it, so I said, "I am wearing eye makeup for a change." Her response, "oh that is just great, keep wearing it as it makes you look SO MUCH BETTER." Go figure. Admittedly, I did look good, but I was left with the feeling that she was judging me in some fashion. Afterall, without the eye make up, one can see the dark circles around my eyes and perhaps how "dead" I feel sometimes. Whatever. If I have learned anything about being chronically ill is that the majority of people, at least in my community, have zero empathy or compassion, And as another member on this platform recently pointed out to me, we have to have empathy for those who do not. Many in my opinion do not deserve my empathy or sense of humanity, but I still find a way to express it because doing so reminds me that I have retained my own sense of character, while they have not.

I am sorry about what you are going through and wish I had a magic wand to wave your way.

My favorite way to deal with these comments is to remain silent or ask the person for some clarification. Ask what it is "that is." Recently someone asked me why I was so thin and what was wrong with me, and I astonished them by responding, "I am not even going to dignify that with an answer." Of course, the other person was speechless as I walked merrily away, thinking to myself, "yeah, right."

It is a terrible thing when someone just does not know what to say, says something like, "it is what it is" leaving you with the feeling that everything going on in your life has just been invalidated
Maybe you could try, "well, until we try to change it." Or, "it is though." Or, ask for some clarification, which might put your brother in law on the spot, and require him to "think" about what he just said.