Hi Bill,
My husband is 68, has advanced LBD and must have 24/7 care. He still dresses himself, is bathroom proficient, feeds himself, but the list of things he can no longer do is growing each minute. He wanders, asks me my name, is paranoid, hallucinations are all day and night, takes things out of closets, drawers, hides mail, etc., and he is fast which makes it hard to even brush teeth or go to the bathroom. I sometimes wonder if I am the one developing dementia because it is too overwhelming at times. No one helps other than to occasionally talk with him on the phone, or rarely drop by for a few minutes. I have to pay for so many things he always did, and now I can look back and see that I took forgranted so much for our entire marriage (repairs around the house, yard work, cars, the list is endless). His conversations are jumbled, and I mentally work hard to try and connect with him. It is so sad to miss someone when they are standing right in front of you.... Yesterday, I interviewed in our home a caregiving team. I think this is going to be a blessing as they talked a lot about how I need to put myself back together and create a life that will carry me through the really tough times that are coming. They are going to take him places some so that I can relax or get things done at home, and they will stay here some so that I can go out. We are starting at 15 hours a week for $20.00 per hour. As I am a bit hesitant about having others in our home, I requested this so that my sweet hubby and I can ease into more hours as needed. They were very understanding and willingly complied. Tomorrow is our first day - and I am excited and nervous. (I forgot to add that they will do house cleaning, light meal prep, meet all of his needs as they arise, etc. ) I am afraid that I will feel lost as my hubby has been my world for the past 32 years (24/7 for the past 5), and yet excited that I might be able to do something normal like getting a haircut....or take a shower without worrying about what he is doing. I hope maybe you can find some other type of help. If people come into your home, you won't have to worry about getting your wife ready to leave. Maybe you can keep your job and have time to do some thing else you enjoy.
I will admit that I spent a lot of time asking about and talking to agencies, private sitters, etc. I even tried a couple of individuals that just didn't work out or unexpectedly quit. (That was emotionally hard.) However, I know there is no other choice and memory care in our area would be an absolutely horrible experience for both of us.
I have to go as he is up now and hungry....God bless you as you work this out in the best way possible for both of you. Remember, you are a silent superhero and you are doing an amazing job. Your wife made a good choice to marry you. God Bless!