Personally I think it's better just to be upfront and honest. I don't have children but I was having the same issue with waiting to tell my mother. It got so built up inside my head but that before I could get it out I was crying and that was the first time I cried over it. She wasn't crying she just wanted the facts. So my reaction didn't affect her reaction but usually that is the case so I would just be direct and matter of fact about it.

@buffalogal I am now in the age group (71-years-old) that my mother was when she had serious health problems. My mother often kept upsetting news to herself saying that she did not want to upset me or didn’t think I’d want to know. By the time she was in her mid-60’s she understood, because I told her over and over again, that I did want to know. I still remember the day, time, and place, I was when she called to tell me that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer. I quickly made plane reservations as she lived on the West Coast where I grew up and by then I was in New England. I wanted to spend as much as I could with her and that also included going to her appointments and radiation therapy with her.

I think it’s difficult for a mother to tell their children such sad news. @buffalogal I imagine that it’s possible you could be more anxious about telling your adult children because you haven’t done it yet and once the news is out in the open you will be less worried. Of course I don’t know anything about your relationship with your children. What does your husband say about all this since he is also keeping quiet about this major health problem?

@buffalogal, serious illness is personal, but at the same time it touches everyone around you too. Like @naturegirl5, I would want my mom to tell me if she had a diagnosis of cancer. Or heart disease, kidney disease, or stomach relux or anything that affects her daily life, quality of life or how she lives life.

If you don't mind, I'd like to ask some questions back to you. Don't feel obliged to answer anything you do not wish to share.

Have you not yet told your children in part because of the location of the cancer? Would you hesitate to tell them about your health if you were diagnosed with a heart valve issue?

Is your hesitation because of how your children have reacted to serious news in the past? Do they react in a way that is not helpful for you and your husband?

I am in the process of scheduling this surgery. Well, was on the schedule and now have to change doctors. Wondering how you are doing by now. I have done 2 sessions of immunotherapy in hopes of shrinking the lesion so maybe surgery can be less invasive. I’m nervous about the after effects.