How can I defeat my anxiety about medical tests and surgery?

@neri47
Dottie,
Just take it in small bites. It helps to give yourself a break by stopping and listening to relaxing music that inspires you... music that you love, and as you listen, imagine that you can fly. The music I posted in this discussion is something I can get lost in. Remember to breathe slow and deep. When we get nervous, we start taking short constricted breaths. Remember that you are in a safe place now. Go ahead and write that down that you are safe now. This is how I broke the grip of fear when I was in extreme pain during a spinal injection; I saw myself flying above it all like an eagle, I breathed slowly and deeply, and I listened to music in my head. I regained control and didn't pass out during the most severe pain I had ever experienced which was a victory for sure. That was also breaking the pattern of not being able to control passing out from fear. It is progress in small steps.

One approach I can think of is to create an outline of the topics you will write about. If you avoid going into the details of your experience right now, you can avoid re-living some of the trauma, and set it aside knowing that you won't forget. It takes it off your plate for right now until you are ready to come back to it. What I saw for myself when I did this was the pattern of being marginalized and not comforted when I was afraid. I can't go back and change anything, and I do know that my experience gave me this heightened sense of awareness that I have in figuring out how to make these connections.

Remember, this is only for you. You do not need to show it to anyone else unless you chose to do that. I also used to shake when I was describing emotional and difficult events in my life that were traumatic. These fearful events are very personal.

Are you seeing a counselor? I did see a counselor prior to my spine surgery when I was working through my fears. I had really figured it all out on my own, and I wanted to know that I was on the right track. The panic attacks that I had daily for 4 months stopped immediately when I understood the connections that the fear of surgery had to the fears of my past and how I was lumping that all together because the fear is held in the brain's memory of where it keeps those stressful events. They really are not related to each other, but the emotional triggers are similar, and the brain is trying to be efficient by saving that information in the same place because it is meant to be information to alert you to escape danger.

I would also say that whatever happened in your past does not need to define you. You can reinvent yourself. It is that old fight or flight instinct that keeps surfacing, and you know a lot more about your life than an instinct that happens before you even think about it.

How about this? Can you find some pictures of wings that you like? Then go ahead and design your new wings. You can draw a picture of them. Maybe you'll have a few pairs in different colors and different styles for different functions, but they all will be beautiful.

Hugs,
Jennifer

@mguspixi25 You have quite a list of events that certainly cause fear, and having PTSD is a record of that. There are therapists who treat PTSD as there is a fear memory that it is linked with. Have you sought help for this?

It is possible to treat PTSD, and a friend of mine works with military combat veterans on their PTSD because of combat. He does this through music therapy, and working with counselors, and then songwriters who sit down with the veteran and write a song together about their life. It retrains the brain. PTSD kind of rewires the brain to be reactive. By doing all of this, these soldiers finally feel that they have been heard by people who understand, and then they can process the feelings and begin reinventing themselves by learning to play guitar. They are given a new guitar when they start this therapy which they will keep after they complete the workshops.

That’s nice of your friend to help veterans 🌺
There’s no such thing in Au, and women with non-combat PTSD are stigmatised significantly. I’ve not been able to obtain help over the last 40 years that I’ve been trying to get help here. The usual response is “stop; I cannot hear any more - it’s too traumatic and I do not want to know” = end of therapist involvement.
So, I keep it to myself, and know these events stop with me, going no further.
I tried music, but part of what I’ve been through contained types of music played for days, so I tend to always avoid that when I hear anything similar because it feels like I’m back there. But I don’t feel fear - I wasn’t that frightened by the ‘trauma’ - it’s just the inevitability that there’s absolutely nothing you can do for yourself or the little people around you. And that is what is somewhat bothersome.
Anyway, while I live in Au, I know I’ll never have anyone brave enough to unpack the stuff I’ve experienced simply based on the multiple therapist walk-outs after the first 5-10mins of starting with the ‘light’ stuff.
When I was in England I happened to be staying in a housing location where injured special ops troops were staying after injury of trauma ended their career and they were transitioning back into the community (they had various interventions there). I was invited to sit in and listen to their group sessions about how their missions impacted them, and there was some of what they talked about that I related to. However as an outsider, I never spoke - I was there because the lads were being polite and respectful not to appear like they were ignoring ‘that odd young truck driver who was renting a room every now and again’. In fact, I was actually working many interesting jobs while trying to locate my living relatives..but that’s another story 🙂

@mguspixi25 I think one of the differences in the music therapy for the combat veterans is that they are learning to play the guitar and then writing a song about their life with the help of a professional songwriter. It is a creative act and they own the song which is shared with the professional musician. During this workshop, all the participants perform and record the songs and I think they may even have them available later on CDs.

Creative work heals the parts of the brain that have been affected by trauma if you work at it. Art therapy doesn't have to be professional art work; it can be anything like flower arranging, scrap booking, making quilts, pottery, photography... basically anything that involves creative decisions and that accomplishment feels good. It builds confidence, and is something positive to talk about.

When I waiting for spine surgery, one of the stressful things was not knowing what would walk through the door when I met a surgeon at a spine consultation appointment for the first time. I had spinal cord compression, and there is no way out of that except surgery. I started drawing sketches of them from any pictures I could find online so I could be familiar with them and like them and try not to fear the surgery. My husband was making funny pictures with them by pasting pictures of their heads onto other people to make me laugh, and that helped too. I never mentioned that, but I did show a sketch to surgeon at an appointment, and he giggled. That was valuable because at that moment, he was no longer a god to be feared, but a human just like me. He ended up dismissing me because he didn't understand my unusual symptoms. That's OK too, because you don't really want a surgeon guessing during an operation.

This is the music program I mentioned. My friend is the guy who started this program after becoming a music therapist. He gave me a few tips too when I was anxious before my surgery.
https://musictherapyoftherockies.org/

Yes it’s very nice - works for many 🙂
My degree is occupational therapy and I used to work a lot with trauma and music, diversional, and art therapists as/when indicated.
I personally don’t find it helpful for two reasons: I have a brain that doesn’t work as well as it used to due to chronic inflammation, and a former TBI (along with concussions over the years), so I find creative activities very distressing to attempt. When I’ve worked with others who’ve sustained similar damage to their brain, they have also reported the same distress when being engaged in creativity activities.
What is much more effective for me is doing a task I am already proficient in, which puts me in zen mode/find somewhat ‘healing’ (I’d just need to do a ton of this to have the desired long term/lasting effect. When something is traumatic/PTSD inducing, I jump in my car in the middle of the night and take winding mountain roads at a significantly fast pace to give that same calming/soothing/healing effect that some get from creativity tasks), like motorcycle riding on a race track as fast as the machine will go, truck driving at night in wet stormy conditions, or skydiving/flying (none of which I am doing of late due to losing function in my body). These things were my therapy. Movement of entire body and biofeedback help some better than creativity. Anyway, the music program looks lovely.
Sounds like the spine surgery was a bit scary for you?
One of the surgeries I’ve had was emergency on spine due to multiple disc compression throughout my lumbar, compressing the cord which prevented me from walking and controlling my bowel and bladder.
I ended up catching a cab (imagine someone in that state) from one hospital to another, hoping someone would scan and help me - some of the ERs treated me like I was seeking attention. It was incredibly painful. I eventually got to the third hospital where an ortho surgeon assessed me, and took me straight to surgery to save my leg movement. But because there was extra damage from having to go from ER to ER, I ended up with much worse problems/much more complicated surgery required.
To be honest, I didn’t care what was done, and who he was, just that someone was going to help me. The surgery was partially successful, and good enough.
By that time I had already had other surgeries where I was significantly chopped up and put back together, so this wasn’t really too far on the radar.
Anyway, I’m glad the process of art and laughter helped you in your situation.
I just wanted to get the pressure off of my spinal cord, and that was all I worried about.
I woke up the next morning, and went home the morning after that to rehab myself for the next three months alone (there isn’t any system support in some instances, and I didn’t qualify, so I did it all on my own while cooking, cleaning, etc..was a bit challenging at the beginning while waiting for my legs to play ball, but I got there).
I had a look at the link - very nice 🌺🙂