There is a path out of the horror.

I have had to become a thorn in the side of my doctors.

Armed with information I have had to insist that they address my concerns.

I believe most healthcare professionals care deeply, they have simply been caught in the same system that continues to try to take my life.

Whether it was fear that I would kill myself on their watch, a desire to help or a little bit of both, when pushed my providers stepped up and listened.

I have to remember that what I proposed and is now becoming a reality threatens the very basis on which most providers have built their belief system.

If I have gotten better by stopping the medication that has been prescribed to me for fifteen years what are the ramifications?

Am I cured?
Was I misdiagnosed to begin with?
Am I simply a great actor with the will of Zeus?
Worse of all, how did they miss it?

None of these questions has an easy answer.

I believe I was misdiagnosed to begin with. Each subsequent doctor took one look at the previous doctor's actions and triaged me, until I ended up in the "won't make it, keep comfortable category".

Why no one ever bothered to do any research is simply another part of a tragically broken system.

I could forgive it all, except for what the "system" has done to my ex-wife and my children. When I think too much about it my rage rises to a level that could rip the Sun from the sky!

Instead I recommit, sometimes moment by moment, to doing everything in my power to shake the mental healthcare system to it foundations.

It gives me a reason to stay alive and keep fighting.

I hope everyone finds the peace they deserve.