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MommaCandy (@mommacandy)

frustrated to no end with friend

Pancreatic Cancer | Last Active: Nov 27, 2023 | Replies (5)

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Hello, and pls know that this post will be of limited use (I'm not diabetic).

1. From the Healthline piece I read, 300 is high. Can you ask his onc., "Why do you think this glucose level is OK rather than a problem? What info am I lacking to understand this? And, if I've misunderstood -- if you *do* consider 300 to be too high / to be something my friend needs to deal with, then I'm asking you to please impress upon him the need to test his blood and take insulin. He's not complying, and my efforts to get him to comply are falling flat."
2. Who are the "others" you refer to (those who consider 300 to be problematic)? Other healthcare providers? Can you explain to them that your friend is ignoring their expertise and that you're asking them to try another approach to get through to him?

3. I don't say this lightly but: If your friend is going to rely upon you for so much, then he MUST agree that *your* stress level matters -- in part altruistically (presumably he cares about you) and in part selfishly (you can't take care of him while you're depressed / stressed / angry / hopeless about his self-destructiveness).
. . . . . . . I understand that you don't want to present an ultimatum to someone who matters so much to you -- I really do get that -- but the bottom line is that if he's going to self-destruct, then you have to decide whether you're going to set a boundary and keep it: "I love you, but I cannot continue to take care of you while you refuse to take care of yourself. If you'll agree to participate, then I'll help you get the help you need, including psychotherapy -- but I cannot do this alone, and I *won't* do this alone. You have to decide whether you're going to participate in your healthcare, which means doing what the doctors tell you to do -- and refusing to deal with your diabetes is going to make your life even harder, which by extension will make MY life harder, because I'm the one you rely on."

Good luck with all of this; I feel for you.

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Replies to "Hello, and pls know that this post will be of limited use (I'm not diabetic). 1...."

JK77, the oncologist isn't concerned as much because at the least he's eating SOMETHING and the massive weight loss has stopped and plateaued.. he straight up said that when i asked him at one of the visits...
by others yes i mean 1) his primary care (who's he's NEVER really thought listened to him and tbh i'm not impressed with her either) and 2) the endo he's been seeing ...
he is CONVINCED its the steroids causing it cause when he was on meds after his amputation he had to take insulin then...HOWEVER before the chemo even started (before he was even diagnosed with cancer) his A1C was 12.9 so its NOT the steroids.. the few times i've gotten him to test his blood sugar when i'm present and KNEW he hadn't eaten in 8+ hours, it would still be 280 or more... so yea i'm pretty sure he's diabetic based on what i know..
i FINALLY got him to agree to go back to the psych doc to get back on the one drug he will take at least for the PTSD even if won't take anything else...at least that keeps him from TOTALLY raging most of the time... he calls it his "play nice pill"
Markymarkfi, perhaps the whole high glucose/ruining eyesight might be an argument i can use...thank you!! they tried to get him approved for one of the arm monitors but insurance won't pay for it unless he provides 30 days of blood sugar readings taken 3x a day and THEN they will decide if they will approve it.....so.. i really don't think that will happen at least not at this point...perhaps if the surgeon tells him next month they'll be removing his entire pancreas and he HAS to...