Emotional health after cancer: How are you doing really?

I am so sorry you are struggling. You have had trauma after trauma. Your body has gone through a lot. You have gone though a lot. I recognize some of the same losses in my cancer journey. Loss of normalcy, loss of who I was, loss of who I thought I was going to be and how life would be. Loss of my self confidence and self suffecincy. But your reactions are a normal response to all these challenges. I experienced periods of low motivation and I guess loss of hope.
I believe you can find your way thru this. You've come so far already and survived such hard times.
You have a lot of good suggestions for you already, and I echo them, find someone to talk honestly with, get out in nature even if it's only to sit in the sun.
Do something you enjoy... create something... something new. Paint, write use you creative parts. Journal if it helps... I did one word journals ... just one word to describe how I felt at that moment . It helped me process and took little energy .
You'll have to be brave some more... just to make yourself do these... but you've got this!
Prayers for you !

And here I was checking in on you today only to find some beautiful responses from members with a lot of empathy encouragement and motivation. The one thing I wanted to share based on my experience at the Mayo Clinic Pain Rehabilitation Center, was the importance of feelings thoughts and behaviors. Research shows that making a positive change to any one area of thoughts feelings or behaviors can lead to positive change in the other two. Negative thoughts are hard to change when you're feeling so down however recognizing that you're living in the negative world can be such a helpful first step. I learned a phrase during rehab called "catch and correct". I am 3 years graduated and still have to work on catching and correcting myself during difficult times. But I can attest to the fact that the more I've practiced this the more it's become second nature. It works like this - instead of saying I can't cope replace it with I will do my best, instead of saying no one wants to be around me, replace it with I make mistakes but I will work to do my best, instead saying I will always be sick say I have handled tough times before. Instead of saying I can't do anything or I'm unable think what can I do how am I still able . Positive self talk is where change can begin. People can offer all sorts of great advice but unless the person hearing it chooses to be an active participant in their own care, that advice falls flat.

That's my tip of the day as I am getting ready to go force myself to exercise. Another phrase I learned is "march before you feel like it" and that's what I'm about to go do!

Wishing you and all who are reading this... a pleasant warm day filled with happy thoughts.

It’s true. Emotional health isn’t addressed at all. My cancer issues are compounded by the fact that I am being required to travel 3 hrs away at times for Dermatology appointments. I just had to cancel one today because I just couldn’t make it and it was probably a fairly important appointment. A full body skin examination. Could I find a Dermatologist closer? Maybe but that is compounded by them taking too long to get me to be seen. One office put me off 2 months even after I was referred by an Oncologist. After that I didn’t trust that Dermatology office to provide me with the best care. We are trying to move to another part of the country where we are more familiar with and who has more of a heart for their residents medically.

I don’t even know where to start.
You brought back so many memories of when I was going through my treatments nearly 7 years ago. I certainly feel your grief!

I had a terrific CNA, RN and RN’s in the treatment center.
I was asked how I was doing every day but they were asking as to my mental and emotional state rather than my physical state.
Looking back I really wish that I would have been truthful in my response. Truth is I was devastated that I was;
1. Going through treatments for stage IV cancer.
2. Being forced into Disability at 55 years old.
3. No longer being the major provider for my wife.
4. Knowing self pay insurance was coming soon.
5. Knowing I would never be the same man I was and that my entire work life had ended.
6. Worrying how we would financially survive.
7. So much more!
But every time I was asked, I would respond with I’m good. I let my pride stand in the way of receiving help!
As a Marine Corps veteran I learned to deal with situations and move on, as a Deputy Sheriff K9 trainer/handler I learned to help others and not focus on my emotions.

After reading your post I realize that yes PTSD is alive in the world of cancer.
As for me, I know I will never talk to a professional about “how I feel “ I have never even spoken to my wife of now 38 years of my feelings. I try to maintain the strong, confident man that she met, fell in love with and married.
But my recommendation to others is to definitely let your care givers know “how you’re feeling!”

Huge hug to you and others

MOJO

First thank you for your service. I mean that sincerely. As a Trainor of Chaplains for Living Shield Ministries , which especially focuses on serving First Responders, I understand that those most likely not to share they are struggling... are First responders and military . You are trained to never fail. Your personal traits like responsibility, trust, service to others. Compassion , etc and all you see as you seve ... all make you more vulnerable to PTSD. Then facing all you did with cancer , is understandable that it was difficult and may still be for you even 7 yrs later. I know I have times still that mess with me. Especially
at the bi yearly scans and tests. Thank you for sharing your struggles. I have great respect for that. I do hope you can find someone to talk with about this though. To process all of it with. Most departments have a peer program, or Chaplains now. Maybe you could reach out. Even retired they may be able to give you some time. It'll take courage to do, I know, but you've got that with all you've been through. Praying for you! Take care of you today!

Thank you so much for your kind words. It means so much to know that someone understands when I say I have lost who I was. I don’t know who I am emotionally and definitely don’t like who I am physically. Sounds vain and I never thought I was before.

I understand that conflict of emotion. Who i was ... was different . I had to adjust to that over the years.
After my last set of surgeries I found another IV site I hadnt noticed for the first day or two. Despite being covered in multiple incisions etc, this unsettled me. While I appreciated not having to go thru multiple IVs , it felt very dis-empowering . The whole process of cancer can be
I try to look at those emotions and process why I feel that way. Loss of control is a big part for me , I have learned. So I find ways to try and mitigate that a little. Being informed, making sure I'm part of the decision making process, being responsible to do what I can to heal . Not just physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually. My faith foundation, my family connections, feeling useful, Ive found all of those are huge in my healing .
It's finding what is for you. Praying you are doing better!

Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear your words of despair. You can dump here anytime. It's completely understandable why you feel the way you do and are in a hole. Sometimes when we're so lost in our minds we stifle our growth and problem solving skills to see our way out . You have been challenged and overcome quite a lot, be proud of that, be kind to yourself. While I have never had cancer, I do live with chronic pain condition which caused me to lose my career just like you and question who I was and what my purpose is. This rebuilding process takes time and small steps towards finding yourself again. Sometimes the calm after the storm is when we really get lost but please know that through every bad storm the sun always comes out again. Can you think of one small thing that you can do today that may begin forward motion again for you to realize that you count, you matter, and you will get through this temporary setback ?