I don’t even know where to start.
You brought back so many memories of when I was going through my treatments nearly 7 years ago. I certainly feel your grief!

I had a terrific CNA, RN and RN’s in the treatment center.
I was asked how I was doing every day but they were asking as to my mental and emotional state rather than my physical state.
Looking back I really wish that I would have been truthful in my response. Truth is I was devastated that I was;
1. Going through treatments for stage IV cancer.
2. Being forced into Disability at 55 years old.
3. No longer being the major provider for my wife.
4. Knowing self pay insurance was coming soon.
5. Knowing I would never be the same man I was and that my entire work life had ended.
6. Worrying how we would financially survive.
7. So much more!
But every time I was asked, I would respond with I’m good. I let my pride stand in the way of receiving help!
As a Marine Corps veteran I learned to deal with situations and move on, as a Deputy Sheriff K9 trainer/handler I learned to help others and not focus on my emotions.

After reading your post I realize that yes PTSD is alive in the world of cancer.
As for me, I know I will never talk to a professional about “how I feel “ I have never even spoken to my wife of now 38 years of my feelings. I try to maintain the strong, confident man that she met, fell in love with and married.
But my recommendation to others is to definitely let your care givers know “how you’re feeling!”

Huge hug to you and others

MOJO