Hi there, I'm so sorry to hear your words of despair. You can dump here anytime. It's completely understandable why you feel the way you do and are in a hole. Sometimes when we're so lost in our minds we stifle our growth and problem solving skills to see our way out . You have been challenged and overcome quite a lot, be proud of that, be kind to yourself. While I have never had cancer, I do live with chronic pain condition which caused me to lose my career just like you and question who I was and what my purpose is. This rebuilding process takes time and small steps towards finding yourself again. Sometimes the calm after the storm is when we really get lost but please know that through every bad storm the sun always comes out again. Can you think of one small thing that you can do today that may begin forward motion again for you to realize that you count, you matter, and you will get through this temporary setback ?