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@lmacfive

My husband is 71 and underwent prostate surgery in April. He has been on Zytiga and Predisone for 4 months now. We have been married for 44 years.
But he is now focusing on events in my life that happened before we were married. He can’t seem to let them go. I believe we are headed for divorce, and I don’t know what to do to save our marriage. I’m trying to be brave and understanding, but he won’t hardly even talk to me. And he won’t talk to his doctor. Any advice? I don’t feel like I can share this with my kids or any friends.

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Replies to "My husband is 71 and underwent prostate surgery in April. He has been on Zytiga and..."

I am sorry to hear about this situation and I’m firm a believer there are better days ahead, so hang in there. The health team for your husband should be broad and active, and that includes the oncologist, primary care, nutritionist, and psychologist, just to name a few. The nurse practitioner for the oncologist will have more of a personal touch than the physician assistant, but neither are qualified nor expected to provide the counseling support that a patient needs at various times. Long story short, I would encourage counseling for your husband, so he has an independent, trusted, and safe person to talk to about anything. (Prostate Cancer Surgery can lead to impotence and reduce the ability to have an erection, and Zytiga can lead to lack of interest in sex. These combined are a major change for any guy).

When it comes to the past, just remember that our past is just a series of facts of experiences and there are no emotions attached to them. Emotions are felt in real-time, and how we “feel” about an event in the past is perhaps one of the greatest gifts of life, because we get to process the experience and derive a new sense of meaning and purpose. As an example, Losing a job is an experience and the emotion of the past might have been sad/bitter, but the sad/bitter is gone, and we get to revisit the experience and likely/hopefully it is now a sense of wisdom/peace/gratitude.

I will pray and think good thoughts that a path forward comes to be. Last but not least, make sure your glass is full, your oxygen mask is on first, and that simple things are enjoyed and shared with each other.

@lmacfive, I'm glad you shared this. It's tough.
Have you considered talking with an oncology social worker? They will have seen this before and may be able to give you some direction, whether you speak with them with your husband or alone.

Here's more information about oncology social work:
– How an Oncology Social Worker Can Help https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-an-oncology-social-worker-can-help/

Your oncologist or member of his cancer team can refer you to social work.