Shirley- Any dementia is exhausting for the caretaker. I think that the emotional part is the most difficult. I think this because we can't see it feel it or get rid of it. We can't make it go away or relate to someone that we are doing our best. From what I do know, even if your husband isn't aware now of all that you've done, he does know, deep down, that he is being taken care of and not in danger.

It was very discerning to see my husband thin and drawn too. The nurses had combed his beautiful white hair back and it made him look like a different person.

As far as advocating for him, I rarely had to because the nurses were so wonderful, and even the aids were tremendous. Ask yourself if you are comfortable with his situation in hospice. Do you trust the facility? Have you seen anything that makes your hair stand up with an "Oh, no!"?

If you have no complaints then I don't think that it is necessary for you to guard him. If you need more rest, then this is the best time to get it. Maybe not go every day. You can call and see how he's doing. If the grounds are nice take a walk there.

I do have a suggestion that will help you. Hospice has counselors trained to help the family in all aspects of this horrible disease. Why not see if you can get an appointment with someone? They will be right there, can assess your situation, and make much more valuable suggestions than I can. They can also make suggestions to help you keep your cool with your concerns about your heart. Does your cardiac physician know about your present situation?

What do you think?