Shirley- I am so glad that you find Connect to be a source of support for you. While taking care of my husband who had Vascular Dementia I broke my back. It was due to a very large dose of prednisone over many months prior to David really needing my help. It was a no-win situation for my poor back and for David. And I'm small and short and he was tall and muscular.

When I couldn't stand the pain in my back anymore, I called my sister to come take care of David and my neighbor took me to the hospital. I was there for hours and when I got home David was almost out the door, very agitated and there were three other people trying to talk to me at once about what was going on. It was after most people left that I found out what happened and it was at that time that I knew that it was time for David to have hospice. I had thought that he would receive it at home but for us that was out of the question. His for of dementia had made him into a person he would not have approved of.

It was very difficult to make that dreaded call to hospice. But for David and I our time had run out. That night I saw David whisked away in an ambulance, mumbling to himself, looking at the stars as they carried him down our deck steps.

It took me two days and new medications to be able to sit in a car to go to see him. When I walked into his room I was so thankful for the care that he was obviously getting. And in the several days that followed it also included the many answered questions and a deep concern for me. I asked if I could stay overnight, and they made up a bed from a fold-out chair. I spent the next five nights and lots of Tylenol and back medications with David, even cuddling next to him in his bed. If we were asleep, the nurses never disturbed us and gave him his medications quietly.

I had experience with hospice when I took care of my mother many years before that but it was in her own home. This was much different

I consider the Hospice care that David received a four-walled angel. As Scott said, hospice in every state is a bit different. In our hospice, they only used medications to keep a patient comfortable and pain-free. There were no physical restraints and no IVs for David's care. Initially, it was thought that he needed to have better medication management and once that was established he could go home. Unfortunately, it was too late for that. The type of medication that he needed was by shot only. I couldn't give them to him. Those were Hospice's rules. David would not be coming home

I knew that he was in the best place offered to man, beast, and any other living soul that needed special care. I sometimes question if I made the correct decision. I know now that I couldn't have gone on caring for him alone, and the quality of care in my hospice hospital was rated the best in New England and had won awards. I know that I will debate this in my mind from time to time.

I did ask why he wasn't hooked up to an IV and many other questions that came to mind when I was with him. Make sure that you know their policies as far as terminal care. If you don't understand something, ask away until you do.

Like Scott, I'll be glad to answer any questions that you have. I hope you can catch up on your much-needed rest and find peace in knowing that your husband is in good hands and well taken care of.

Merry