Hi @young, Colleen D.
I just reread an entry I made in August, 2023. I sounded positive and
sincere. I was feeling as though my depression was in remission.

When I originally began this mental health quest, I did have an expectation
to get better. I know there is no cure.

I especially like to relate to the movie, The Awakening. Although the
inpatients had a totally different diagnosis, the movie depicted a shred of
hope as the characters were Awakening from their catatonic states.

When I am experiencing an Awakening, I feel I have a moral obligation to
take advantage of feeling better. This year was especially therapeutic for
me because I engaged in many of the activities I used to do, prior to the
major depressive episodes.
I'm not a goody two-shoes. I like to be involved in projects that are
community oriented.
I taught at one of our local universities in January as an adjunct
professor.
In April, our Advocacy Group received its nonprofit status.

I returned in the fall and taught two courses.

We just sponsored a community picnic...

And about two months ago, while I was therapeutically pushing myself, "You
know, you just have to try harder. Push yourself," I could feel myself
losing leverage.
My brain is not going into a catatonic state. My brain is getting sick.
Concentration, writing, interacting, completing projects are beginning to
deteriorate. No suicidal ideations. Spravato is doing its job.
Treatment Resistant Depression has come out of remission. It's being
fertilized by free-floating anxiety
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I may need to resign from teaching if I
don't reverse the negative trend I'm experiencing.

God has a weird sense of humor. As I get better, I feel I have a purpose. I
have confidence. I'm capable of putting things in perspective.

"But, don't feel too better. Don't feel too confident. Cuz God knows...He's
gonna rip out the rug from under me."

Yes, I have people in my life who feel it's necessary to let me know that
I'm depressed because "you're a weak person. The devil knows you're weak.
So that's why you have a mental illness. You have to try harder. Push
yourself! Push harder!"

I just wanted to say that I do what I can when I can.

This isn't the Dark Ages.

People with mental illnesses need to avoid ignorant rhetoric.

When will we truly be emancipated from the superstitious, antiquated, and
disrespectful stigma and stereotypes assosciated with mental issues?

I wanted to take the time to ask that question before my Awakening
dissipates.
I also want to thank Mayo Clinic Connect and its associates and members for
being reliable allies and a great resource.

☮️