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Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Nov 13, 2023 | Replies (32)

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@bobbisedlmayr

My husband is also in a buying stage. He bought a grill. We dont need a big 5 burner one you have to put together! He goes to sams club buys tons saying oh it was on sale. There is only two of us. I have multiple bottles of 128 laundry detergent! Barbque sauce, lipton onion soup. I could go on and on. Pork! Full pork loins and full rack of ribs! He gets angry if u say something. So hanging in limbo do far. 🤷‍♂️ not sure how to handle.

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Replies to "My husband is also in a buying stage. He bought a grill. We dont need a..."

Hi Bobbi- It's nice to meet you.

In your situation, along with my suggestions, you need to speak with his doctor. It sounds as if your husband might be in a compulsive stage. There are medications that can control this. I had to give my husband an anti-depression medication that quieted those impulses. This is imperative, I think!!

My husband was never a "buyer," but he had his quirks too. I had to keep a close eye on him. The one thing that did make him angry was any attempt to take away his freedoms. Mostly, he was afraid of losing his license or being constrained.

The first thing that I did when this problem came up was to tell him that I would do everything within my power to prevent him from being constrained (unless he were to harm anyone, and secondly, if he didn't want his license taken away, then I would have to drive him everywhere he wanted to go. Those were my conditions. And for David and me, this worked because he was a reasonable man, despite his vascular dementia.

In your situation, if I had to squelch his spending you might want to take away his license so he couldn't drive, or have the bank shut off his credit cards- those in his name and get one in your name only. The bank can help with this. or a lawyer.

It's not a great situation to hang in limbo and let your husband spend to his heart's content. You must be stronger than his disease by protecting yourself against losing everything. Looks like he likes to buy a lot of things at once, don't wait until he brings home a herd of cattle and not just the ribs!

Can you talk freely with his doctor and come up with medications and plans for the future?

Merry

My husband can no longer drive. I am now the designated driver. I am in the process of rounding up credit cards and putting them away. The TIA'S keep happening. We have our first neurologist appointment next week following another MRI. Today was not a good day. I am hopeful for tomorrow.