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Anger. Guilt. Anger….cycle

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Oct 31, 2023 | Replies (43)

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@tsc

Hi @jillsy, sometimes I tune out, but keep one ear open. My husband's stuck in his childhood mostly, having forgotten much of his past. Now he comes up with some fantastical stories about his parents, sister, etc. Sometimes I ask questions so we can converse and maybe get some insight into how his brain is working. I don't argue with him about his delusions. Other times, I ask a question to bring the conversation back to the present.

The one day I was on the phone with a friend and ignored my husband's obsession with the gardener leaving, he went outside to say goodbye, fell over a box left at the front door, and fractured his hip. Surgery, a week in the hospital and three weeks in rehab followed, plus a long recovery at home. That's why I said keep one ear or one eye open. Watch for changes. Sometimes, longstanding behaviors just stop. My husband's been meticulous about shaving, but this week he had a dental appointment and didn't shave beforehand, which I didn't notice until we were at the dentist's office.
He goes to bed early and stays there so I have a few hours of quiet time at night, to work on a hobby, read, watch tv and chill out.
As caregivers, we have to find ways to get through these trials with grace (as much as possible!), stay the course and, somehow, give ourselves what we need to keep going. All the best.

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Replies to "Hi @jillsy, sometimes I tune out, but keep one ear open. My husband's stuck in his..."

Up until the time he had his first fall (which was not in the shower) , my husband showered every day of his life, sick or well, but he began to be fearful and tentative, even after installing grab bars and a shower seat. Now he showers on an "as needed" basis and that can be a 2 week stretch. As someone on one of these topics said, 'No one died from not showering.' A quick once-over with a warm washcloth and a pour over hairwash as needed have been good solutions for us.