I was first diagnosed with chronic clinical depression in 1991; although I believe I've had it my entire adult life. I have been on an SSRI since the diagnosis and have been in cognitive behavior therapy off and on. Five years ago I discovered a clinician who recommended EMDR. This truly has been a life changer for me; I no longer have the negative self-talk and I speak up for myself when people cross boundaries. I mention the EMDR because you mentioned PTSD; it supposed to be highly effective for that diagnosis. Make sure to look for a certified EMDR therapist. I also have idiopathic peripheral neuropathy in my legs and arms. Gabapentin didn't do anything for the numbness, so I don't take any medication for the neuropathy. It is progressive, however, and that is discouraging. My neurologist thinks it is familial. Happy Birthday, Jim!

@jimhd Hi Jim and welcome to Mayo Connect! Thanks for sharing your story with us. I'd like to say how much I admire the way you are dealing with your health issues and with life in general. Have you found some activities that are rewarding now that you are retired? When I first retired I found a senior center that had some low cost chair-exercise classes. Physical activity in a group setting is a great way to help both your mind and body. Best wishes to both you and your wife!

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I was a minister for 35 years when I retired, and will always be as active<br>in the church as I'm able. My last two years in ministry were extremely<br>difficult because of the deep depression I was living with. We moved away<br>from that town ten years ago, and I continued to be in a dark place for a<br>few more years.<br><br>I have always enjoyed working outside in the yard, as well as painting<br>(houses) and making things with wood. I've been a volunteer for Hospice for<br>a few years, visiting patients weekly. My therapist was unsure about me<br>doing that, but I think it's been helpful. I've always enjoyed visiting<br>people as a pastor, and this has fitted well with me. Many of the patients<br>want me to pray with them, though I don't impose my faith or beliefs on<br>anyone. Mostly, I'm there to listen and encourage.<br><br>Our home had very little landscaping when we moved here, so I pretty much<br>had a blank slate. Now there are lots of plantings, an orchard, a<br>combination perennial/shrub/tree /vegetable garden that's fenced to keep<br>the deer out. I painted houses and other buildings to supplement my church<br>income, and have painted our house twice, the barn twice, a garage and a<br>new storage building for my wife's sewing supplies.<br><br>I play the piano for a Sunday evening service, something I've done most of<br>my life. I have a B.A. in music, with a piano major.<br><br>I haven't seen a therapist for about a year now - there's no one in town<br>who accepts Medicare. There are days when I wish I could, though summer is<br>a better season for my mental stability. I take Bupropion for depression,<br>Klonopin for anxiety, and Cymbalta for peripheral neuropathy, plus a few<br>other meds. I often struggle with suicidal thoughts when I open the<br>medicine cabinet at bedtime. I have plenty of things I could OD on, but<br>those thoughts aren't nearly as strong as they were 5 years ago. In 2005<br>and 2006, suicidal ideation was a very real issue, and I attempted several<br>times, and spent a month in a small, new facility for people who have<br>attempted, and a second shorter stay a few months later. After all the<br>counseling and therapy, I'm better equipped to handle the thoughts.<br><br>I must stop writing and go install the door on my wife's new shed, and do<br>what I do every day - water lawns and gardens. It's a job that's never<br>finished.<br><br>

@jimhd Jim: Thank you for sharing more of your life story with us at Mayo Connect. How wonderful that you still involve yourself with people who have needs, especially Hospice. There is a great deal of strength that comes from communing with those who are facing end of life issues with courage and strength. I continue to admire the way you have scaled the mountain called depression and reached out to help others and keep active!

Are you familiar with an organization called Pastors in Residence (PIR)? It is an organization for pastors who have and/or had problems remaining in the ministry for one reason or another and PIR offers them support and help in adjusting to the changes. I'm not sure what area you live in, but I know that PIR has "churches of refuge" and are always looking for more pastors to be involved. If you go to their website: pirministries.org, you can take a look a their specific ministry and see the supportive activities they offer. Even if you don't involve yourself in their work, you might find it interesting to see what they are doing. Your story inspires and helps me, please continue to share with us! Have a blessed Sunday.