@gently
Thank you so much for your reply and thoughts.
When I would have Chemo for an 8 hour day, mind you this was every other week for over a year and several months, I was given a terminal dx and that still looms over my head,, as I was NOT supposed to live much longer after the cancer was found in the colon. It is a very rare cancer.. Not colon cancer , lung cancer in the colon,. so many ignorant Drs.. do not believe that is possible and I should not be here., but I am and I keep finding these things I handle myself ,, I tell the Drs things I need... so my Dr . pushed me with the chemo until one day I just stopped... The chemo would go straight to my bones, mostly my legs and shoulders, I would have 3 heating pads going at the same time.. cocktails of pain and nerve meds that really didn;t help much,.. I just did what I had to do and knew by the end of the week I would have a day or 2 of feeling better only to do it all over again... Over the years since I stopped I have had many more surgeries, each one taking a toll ,. so many scans, cts, petscans, Mri's so much radiation,.,, I did have cervical surgery in 2020 I think,, 3 level disk replacement,, I started there before the back as all these Drs wanted to put poles and cages etc in my spine,, surgeries would be 10 hours with a 6 month re coup time. I cant take that kind of time anymore , as I said I run 2 full time businesses with no back up.. I let my other businesses go when I first got the cancer ,I am not going down that road again,. My lower back is excruciating.. Mostly on the right side.., the sciatica at times becomes so bad I grab my legs and stretch and massage... When I had the laminectomy he also put some nuts and bolts in me so I really do not know what is going on right now.. s=hence the new MRI.. I am waiting to have... Only one open MRI in this city so I wait,, I also am waiting on a CT of the Abdominal wall as they suspect I have a flank or lumbar hernia that goes around my waist to the spine.. I am very tall and thin, so when all of a sudden I develop this bulge on my waist and it goes around to the back .. Which is very large and prominent.. and apparently happens with people who have had lumbar surgery,, I can press the center and feel it in the middle of my abdomen.. I also have several hernias , painful ones in my abdomen that happens when the mesh that was put in to keep my intestines together after colon surgery comes apart it causes the hernia. I have already one replaced and it was horrific.. I am not sure if this Abdominal one is an extension of the others?? I am my own advocate and sadly I find my own issues and tell the Drs what I need.. medical is not good with the exception of a few good surgeons I have.. My pain is everywhere, my wrists, fingers, shoulders, the neck now is at night and I still wear the brace , but during the day I am ok.. NOT OK with the spine... I have to squat as much as I can rather than bend so I think one of my knees is on its way out... I thought perhaps I surely had rheumatoid Arthritis Dr took test ..NO , I did have orders for a bone density scan I forgot about .. last time years ago it was pre osteoporosis.. Yet i asked my Dr about the bone shots to prevent bone damage I recall my Mother getting at my age and went way over her head... I felt a lot better going through chemo than I do 8 years or so later... It is a full time full time job having to keep up with Drs, and scans and I get injections every where.,. as well my feet,, those out of now where developed issues.. and my teeth that I spent a lot of money on with veneers and now I have to have gum surgery , and I have lost otherwise healthy teeth...thanks chemo..., no one tells us this will happen,.. Not that it would have made a difference.. My Dr pushed me through the chemo to kill the cancer. i am considered a "miracle" in the fact that I am still here.. I still look good and take care of myself in that respect , but it is a shell.. and I tell Drs please do not judge me by how I look.. LISTEN to me...
To further my stress and lack of time to address myself..... My mother became ill almost 2 years ago... her care, even though my Dad is still here with her, and I have two brothers one with a wife here... everything was dumped on me for her care ... It has literally sucked the life out of me.. I saved my mother. She is home now, she is healthy again and nothing wrong with her other than she is lazy. I have 0 tolerance for that, I know what I have done to live.. I expect her to do something, anything, try her hardest.. get out of that bed and walk.... it is what my dad wanted her back home and not in a home... I have now done my best to set boundaries.. I have never seen so much selfishness within a family and I do not know if they would all function without me,.. Now that they are elderly I can not run away like I wanted to for years,, i want better health care and a better quality of life. I want the life I used to have,. it is gone and I am having a very hard time dealing with it. Thank you for your help again,. have a blessed day 🙂