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Thought of the Day from an individual suffering from depression
Depression & Anxiety | Last Active: Oct 1, 2023 | Replies (25)Comment receiving replies
I appreciate what you have offered to me. In addition to the grief, I am also dealing with anger issues. You see he was not dying. He had Parkinson's Disease but it was under control. I took him to his neurologist every three months. She always checked him over very carefully. We also went over his medications and I saw to it that he received them at the specified times. The problem was that he had to get up at night to go to the bathroom. We have an en suite, so he didn't have to go far, but he was wobbly. I got a walker and pleaded with him to use the walker at night to walk him the few feet into the bathroom. He refused and said he could do it himself. So the inevitable happened. One night he fell. He broke his femur and was dead in three months. I am so angry that he didn't listen to me and perhaps I would not have gone through this. But you can't turn back the clock and I need to live with the outcome. It is so hard.
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You are entitled to that anger! And, anger can be part of the grief. He betrayed you, when all you asked of him was to be safe. Yes, you are angry about that, and I would be, too! My husband had been through so many medical traumas, his life always at risk at each turn. After his last surgery, they said he was doing so well, that he could extend his next followup exam from 3 mos to 6 mos. I thought we had finally made it! Within another month, he was dead. He died in front of me, on the bed, as I was packing the car to take him back for another surgery, which would have had to have been a heart transplant. I SCREAMED at God, "why now? after all we have been through, you take him now, when he can be a real daddy to his daughter? WHY NOW?". i know anger at the loss, trust me. Just don't take on the guilt, too! It sounds to me as though you have taken on guilt with the anger. It is not your fault. You were doing all you could to keep him alive and well. No guilt, please. Yes, the outcome of HIS ACTIONS is so hard, but they are not your actions. Please remember that. Have dinner with your friend. Enjoy that, and have more, if you can. You deserve to be happy, and you certainly don't deserve to feel any guilt.
❤️P