In your grief, I know it is hard not to be consumed by it, I know. But, try to focus on the wonderful memories you have over those 59 years. I envy you all the good memories you must have. My husband and I only had four years, and the last one and a half years were consumed by trauma from his illness, in and out of hospitals, two open heart surgeries..........even the birth of our daughter was tainted with the trauma......it is a long story, but I try to single out the really good moments. I try to focus on how much he loved me, how he treated me. Yes, there is still pain with every memory, but the happiness of those moments, that love, can fade the pain at least some. I am so grateful that I had him for the time that I did. I am so grateful that we had a child together, a symbol of our love. Are there tears running down my face right now? Yes, but they are good tears. I went from him to an abusive husband, so "grateful" doesn't even describe what those memories mean to me. I don't want you to misunderstand how I word this, because it is hard, but I am sure that it is really hard to have this loss at your age. My loss was when I was so young. I am 77 now, and so many of my friends are older than me, your age, and we deal with such loneliness. Other friends and family are also gone, people who could be so supportive. I really do empathize with you, with your loss at this time in your life l[you were 86 when you lost him, I believe?]. There is supposed to be a way to communicate "privately" via Connect. I can be here for you privately, or in this way, it doesn't matter to me. You can vent to me, which we all need in grief, and it is good to vent to someone who knows what you have gone through, and are going through. If the number of "your people" is limited, contact me. I do know your pain, and I am willing to listen at any time.
❤️Patricia