I was suicidally depressed (kept a gun in my brief case just in case I needed a quick exit) and still made millions. For me depression has been a weird thing. Sometimes it's urgent and I want to die right now. Sometimes it is more of a dull ache that simply hurts.

A lot has changed since those days. But what hasn't changed is that I feel my feelings and the feelings of others very intensely. Sometimes, I think all of my depression has been a result of not knowing what was mine and what belonged to other people. When I was around my wife and children I felt love and the pain went away. When I am around my family of origin the pain floods back in.

I have spent a lot of my time alone simply walking in the woods or riding my bicycle or motorcycle. Anything that can keep me in the moment. Meaning full work can also provide peace. I've been lucky I spent most of my life at work trying to help people. It matters a lot to me that I be useful. I don't believe in much beyond love, kindness and carrying for others. It is what gets me through.

I'm not so sure there is anything wrong with us! I've come to believe it's the World that's broken. Feeling sad and depressed about what I see and feel seems like an appropriate response to the horrors I witness everyday. Should I try to make these feelings go away or should I try to grow enough to embrace them and do what I can to heal.

I have done just about everything I can to not feel, except pull the trigger. Maybe, just maybe I've grown enough to hold myself close and try love who and what I can.

A very loving psychiatrist that cared for me for nine years in my twenties once said to me " you have a wide range of feelings, you will know as much joy as you have known pain". He was right. The day I married my, now ex-wife and the days my children were born I knew joy beyond words. Those moments were worth all the days and nights of suffering I have ever known.

There is nothing wrong with any of us. We are special. We have gifts to share that can make this world a better place. We just need to love ourselves enough to hold on for those moments of joy.

Protect yourself from those that would hurt you. Show the world kindness and most often you'll get kindness back.

Hang on and never give up! Maybe the fight is the meaning.