@rowt2 I’m so sorry you are going through this nightmare.
I agree with Laurie, Al-Anon is a life saver for the family. I went to Al-Anon for 7 years because my son had a horrible lifestyle that impacted me badly.
I learned how to let the troubled person take responsibility for their actions. My job was to take care of me because we are powerless over the alcoholic/addict.
It is not easy, but it is worth doing.

Both my 2 oldest children are addicts. One, absolutely could not stop using and she overdosed at the age of 45. She had 3 children.