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@markymarkfl

So sorry to hear this. Just lost my dad to mesothelioma at age 85 in July. Definitely hard for the family as well as the patient. Hospice can be a huge help. In my dad's case, they brought in a hospital-style bed that could recline, and had rails for him to grasp onto for help getting in and out of bed. They were also able to help bathe hin 2-3 times / week up until the very end. Sometimes just having a professional / stranger do that preserves a little dignity for the patient, and helps the patient feel they are not being a burden on the family.

There will be a lot of time in bed, so prepare for possible management of bedsores, as well as potty accidents. We found this bed pad https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00TZ73MUY and these tailbone dressings https://www.amazon.com/MedVance-TM-Silicone-Bordered-dressings/dp/B079B1S8P8 to be helpful. Of course, follow professional medical advice regarding any of these.

We also had a baby cam in my dad's room. One monitor could be watched and heard on the other side of the house where caretakers were sleeping, but it also had an internet feed we could use to check in remotely. (Audio over the internet didn't work too well with our cheapo system, but you could at least tell if a phone call was in order.)

We got these remote call alarms in case the caretaker didn't hear anything else: https://www.amazon.com/Caregiver-Wireless-Personal-Patients-Assistance/dp/B0C5SYCVCX?th=1

Finally, in the miscellaneous department, my dad found it helpful to drink some of his protein shakes and electrolyte drinks through a straw, and most of the grocery-store straws were too short, so we ordered some extra-long flex straws that did the trick.

On the more human level, different states have different names for the estate planning stuff, so in addition to the documents above, inquire about a "living will" (basically the medical directive) and "designation of health care surrogate" (slightly different in some states than durable power of attorney).

Finally, for the really important stuff: As also mentioned above, inquire about pain management that doesn't make the patient loopy or too sleepy all the time. Make sure you and relatives have time for the really important conversations you want to have. Patients near the end of life are very low on energy, and tend to sleep a lot, and you may not know which conversation with them will be your last. Sometimes they bounce back for one more, and sometimes they don't. 🙁

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Last thoughts: In my dad's last few days, he was still trying to get out of bed, not always successfully. Our local hospice also had a critical care center where they had 24/7 staff to care for him, plus a spare bed, couch, and reclining chairs were family could comfortably stay 24/7 for up to 3-5 days. Very helpful, even though we only used 18 of those hours.

In terms of getting last conversations in... When Hospice administers a pain med of any kind, you should ask if that might accelerate the dying process (deliberately or incidentally). A narcotic that suppresses breathing might be one of those, and that could be your hint this is the last one.

My heartfelt prayers and understanding go out to you.

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Replies to "So sorry to hear this. Just lost my dad to mesothelioma at age 85 in July...."

Thanks so much for this! A great deal of helpful information! Much appreciated!

Very very sorry for your loss.

Do take care...