I wonder why we do that, put honouring the other person over honouring ourselves? An uncomfortable question that i have asked myself about that is, "do we believe ourselves to be inferior or lacking in some significant way that we give so much to try and earn the other person's favour, as though they are going out of their way to perform a kindness to us by being with us?
I am also on the autism spectrum. I keep wondering why my parents didn't have that looked into when i was a child because the signs have always been there. Sometimes I think I have figured out a social situation, then I find out that I was completely wrong. The people who know me well have a 'debriefing session' with me before I walk into situations that will be hard for me to understand, and they run me through what is appropriate and what isn't.
It sounds like you have figured out a way to work around being sick. Great job!
Do the cytotoxics for your cancer help with lupus control?
It is beyond cool. You have found your people.