It’s so easy to lose focus of ourselves when we are deeply immersed in caregiving. I was that way when caring for my mom and after she passed it took me a long time to stop foundering and get my footing again. A similar thing happened to my husband when my AML/bone marrow transplant odyssey pretty much monopolized both of our lives for a good year and a half. When the crisis had passed i found myself returning to my many hobbies and activities which make me whole. But it was a challenge for him to change focus from me, and like I said, I felt smothered. So my daughter and I encouraged him to renew his hobbies and personal interests; To get out more, do some biking and kayaking. Once he began resuming activities with his friends and getting his creative juices flowing, his focus wasn’t so intent on me anymore! It was wonderful for both of us to return to a more normal existence…my medical issues faded into the background and we both ‘recovered’ from my ordeal.

You’ve done an outstanding job as a caregiver for your husband, but you also have to allow yourself to live your life too! Couples can be devoted to each other but to be healthy in the partnership, both members need to grow and flourish. I know you’re scared but it’s unhealthy to live with “what ifs”… that constant worry robs you of precious time and creates stress.

May I ask what your life was like before your husband’s cancer journey? Do you have any hobbies or outside interests which could help give you some much needed distraction and perhaps help you re-direct some of your focus from your husband?