Relationships: How do you form and maintain them when ill?

I also must add that staying in love is so very simple if you are, indeed, "in love"...big difference between loveing someone and being "in love" with someone. When you are in love the relationship is blissful, overwhelming, understanding, caring, devoting yourself to the other's happiness and well being and be willing to put yourself in their place in the face of dire illness and death. I know this first hand and would have traded places if I could have for the love of my life with whom I was "in love" and still am even though he is the angel on my shoulder every moment of every day and night.

Creation of woman from the rib of man:
She was not made of his head to top him;
nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him; under his arm, to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved.

Great questions.
They occupy my mind every day. I can count on one hand the number of people I might see in a week. Most likely one of them will be a doctor.
I am basically a very social person who has become a recluse. We all want relationships but have no energy or ability to maintain them. You have to be able to give of yourself in a real relationship, and I have so little to give!
Your questions resonate with me. But I'm sorry to have no answer.

Thanks so much for the response. I really share your concern, and don't have an easy answer. I fear that when I need more caretaking I'll lose my (granted elderly) relationship pizzazz. Currently the best I can come up with is that I need to trust that my spouse is a grown-up who will ask for what he needs, and get his own support. It is difficult for me--tell me if you have other ideas.

@buss23 Ah, I can so relate! All of my life I have been considered fiercely independent, by myself and by others. Now at the young age of 70, over the last many years, that independence has eroded slowly away to using mobility devices, and asking for assistance in some things. It has been a major blow to my self-esteem. There are those in my life who valued me for my independence, and are now confused/unwilling in the face of being a partner on any level if it entails a less-than-perfect co-partner. For my part, there is a realization that I need to be the best I can at any time, and ask for those people to come along with me. Those who can, will. Those who cannot/will not, will be left on the wayside.
Ginger

I don't have much expertise in this area, but I do know how to find expertise. I can recommend two sources.

First, see "Living a Healthy Life with Chronic Conditions," from http://www.bullpup.com, 800-676-2855. It contains three chapters that I think would be relevant to your questions.

Second, for relationships specifically, see John Gottman. He has written several books about marriage and relationships, and he has also done many video interviews and presentations. Your public library system may have his books because they are fairly popular. If not, then maybe interlibrary loan would work. I really like public libraries because they are free.

Here is a link to one of numerous videos featuring John Gottman. Hopefully it will give you an indication of what his work is about. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKTyPgwfPgg&t=62s

Although I don't have a lot of expertise in this area, I do have some experience. I have been constantly surprised by what people are, or are not, willing to do. People are so different that I think questions about caregiving need to be approached on a case-by-case basis rather than with a set of general assumptions.

Thank you for sharing.
In what ways were you able to share when you were very ill? Was it enough? (Also, how are we defining enough?)
It is good that you are there for the people in your life.
I try to be there for the few people that I love. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail. When I fail, it crushes me. The people in my life are understanding and don't complain, but it bothers me.

Hopefully, I can get it online. I prefer hardcopy, fingers crossed it is available.
I love to learn from other cultures. My dream job would have been one where I travel and get to experience other cultures, I would have LOVED that. Perhaps in another life.
And yes, the Orientals have some appealing ideals. I love how they have mastered work and a kind of serenity.

Maybe part of the problem is that we are, at times, in love with people who are not in love with us. They may like us, or even "love" us for a time, but it is fleeting. I have found myself in that place before, where I give everything I possibly could, but the person turns out to not bring that to the table too.
The goal is to be in love with someone who is in love with you.
I always say, love is immortality. I lost the love of my life 6 years ago, I am still in love. Right now, I am not looking for another great love, just one that will be good for both parties.

Good Afternoon, buzz23. I sincerely hope you are able to one day travel the world or at least part of it. My deceased French husband and I traveled much of Europe and lived in the South of France for almost 5 years until his death...(long, long ago) in Le Val in the department of the Var about an hour inland from Toulon. We loved it there. I had to come back to the US for a variety of reasons and, of course, wish I had stayed just six more weeks to get my dual citizenship. Stupid on my part. That's yesterdays news. I have remarried and we are considering a move back to lakeside living in South Carolina from our current home in Florida...too many poeple, too many autos, too much crime, etc.. Time to move on. Hope you find your book. It is a hardback and beautifully illustrated. Judith