Thanks for sharing this bit of your life Merry ❤️‍🩹
I was with a partner around a year or so into our relationship (having known each other for some time prior), where he wasn’t well for two days and I (being in the health industry) was madly calling in favours from the cardiologist and pulmonologist friends I had to get him seen because I knew something wasn’t right - it was a Saturday - and he was booked for extensive tests on Monday (these docs did everything to help get him in with them asap), but sadly he had a massive heart attack on Sunday mid morning...I did my best, but I just could not save him, and consequently blamed myself for years - it took that long to internalise that in fact the event was so anatomically catastrophic that there was nothing that could have been done to save him…I felt like the life had been slapped right out of me, feeling stunned and frozen inside.
What was worse was his friends and family bailed me up in a corner at the funeral and fired a barrage of accusatory statements and harsh questions as to why he wasn’t alive, I should’ve done more😔
I still feel that pain these years later, however I’m learning more and more that the emotional prison isn’t a place where I need to exist. Not saying that’s what’s happening for you - I just thought I’d share this back and kindly say that in a way, I understand.
A little off topic for this thread, but as you’ve said, here on Connect is where we are amongst people who can relate and understand 🌺