I was in a similar situation eight months ago. I was on Mirtazapine and oxazepam after an operation gone wrong. I have suffered from OCD since I was 20 (1967) and have had constant anxiety, social phobia (although my job required public speaking) and bouts of dark depression. Before the operation, I was on no medication other than for reflux and thyroxine after having had my thyroid removed for cancer. I lost a lot of weight and and this upset my thyroxine levels, causing extreme anxiety and depression. My doctor was treating me with Zoloft and Clobazam but when I had to go into hospital they changed my medication to Mirtazapine and oxazepam. When I was discharged I endured months of despair, weakness and helplessness. I wanted to die. I thought no one could help me , not even God. I was wrong. He did help me and gave me hope. I have found that more than 15 mg Mirtazapine a day increased anxiety and agitation and also caused insomnia. I found tapering off the oxazepam according to the Ashton Manual was not too bad. But the Mirtazapine has been horrible. I am dropping the dose by 10% every fortnight (10% of the current dose) but if the withdrawal symptoms are severe, I continue on with that dose until it settles down, usually after a few days to a week. Mirtazapine withdrawal symptoms for me include intrusive thoughts (which makes my OCD go crazy) nausea, dizziness, anxiety and weird dreams. I am also on Sertraline (Zoloft) to help me with getting off the Mirtazapine. I expect that it will take another few months. I was really saddened to read your post . I am praying that God will help you as He helped me. Even though it seems impossible to you that you can ever come out of this, I believe that you will. God can change everything if you ask Him.