Yes its been a rough day for me today as well. I'm starting to wonder if there is a point where i am holding on to Jared and to my grief because its kept me company for so long, Besides, its a scary world out there now that he has been grabbed from it. Perhaps i indulge my feelings too much. If i get away for a weekend with friends then I am truly able to be in the moment. But i can't travel with friends forever because I still must return to solo living and then the longing for "us". My therapist and I are starting to reprocess the accident/trauma so that i can "refile" that memory--yet i am still protesting the fact that he is gone.

Speaking of flirting...I actually went on a blind date last week--the first date with a different guy in 43 years!! The texting and emailing beforehand (i suppose the flirting) was actually fun and exciting and he seemed so responsive and funny. But in person? Totally different guy showed up! Online I had admitted that I wanted to meet up with him as soon as possible before i lost my nerve. He assured me that we would have fun and laugh if nothing else. Honestly, I asked him at the end of the date what happened to all the jokes? I texted him the next day to thank him but to explain that i obviously wasn't ready for this. But, I also knew that he was not a good fit or even a good guy. The next several days I was lower than usual. My therapist warned me that dates and such can elicit all sorts of emotions. Boy was she correct! But I'm glad to have gone through with it and to have "ripped that band aid" right off. To be honest, I always hated dating.

Hang in there. It does help knowing that much of this is normal and "shared" by others. It seems like I'll ask my therapist every 3-4 sessions, "What is wrong with me?" and she usually ends up reassuring me that "This is not uncommon. You are normal".
Karen

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