You are not beyond saving. Your brain is playing tricks on you. I wish I knew the words to help you through, but it is definitely something to get through. You can come through to better days. You can. Please don’t give up.

You are not beyond saving. Please get some help immediately with a church pastor for counseling or a counselor. God knows that you are not beyond SAVING! Praying fiercely for you.

No, you are not beyond saving, and hey, you must not totally believe that because you reached out to your friends here on Connect! We're always here for you! Try talking to a counselor again. Remember it helped before! Connect with the people around you, and spend time doing what gives you purpose. Spending time with other people in person can really help put things in perspective. I've battled severe OCD, and the wait can really be hard when you're dealing with mental health issues, but healing can certainly come with time, and it sounds like it has for you before. Prayers going up for you!

Checking in on you, @mattn. If you are in crisis, please call or text 988.
- Suicide & Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org

How are you doing today?

In 1982, I was a violent crime victim. I was kidnapped and held for a time. By 1983, I developed PTSD and severe insomnia. And, I became profoundly suicidal in 1983 and 1984.

So, a couple of things.

Depression distorts our thoughts. Our thoughts just become a product of bad brain chemistry.

You have to stop listening to the negative train of thoughts. It isn't real. It seems real, but it isn't real.

It is quite literally like being under the spell of a powerful drug. That is how powerful bad brain chemistry is and how powerfully it distorts our thoughts.

In 40 years of struggle, every wave of horrible thoughts eventually passes. I held a knife to my wrist and a bottle of pills to my mouth, very frequently, back in 1983 and 1984. But, every extremely negative wave passed eventually.

Ultimately, all we really have to do is hunker down and wait for the negative wave to subside.

I definitely believe in counseling. There is stigma attached to it. But really, all we are doing is having a conversation with a caring friend...who has some clearer idea of how to address problems.

I definitely believe in meditation, stress reduction and other techniques. These things have helped me tremendously.

Over the years I have met people in desperate situations, people with serious physical limitations and serious mental health issues, who also thought they were unlovable and could never find a partner.

I watched as they got into fulfilling relationships.

It may take some work and some time, but I personally witnessed amazing stories.

People don't share this readily, but fully 25% of the US population is disabled. Whatever we are going through, there are many, many people just like us. There is a community out there for us. A community that definitely includes people who can become our partners.

Not saying it is easy.

But there is always real hope.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255) is a 24-hour, toll-free, confidential suicide prevention hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. By dialing 1-800-273-TALK, the call is routed to the nearest crisis center in a national network of more than 150 crisis centers. The Lifeline's national network of local crisis centers provides crisis counseling and mental health referrals day and night.