Everything you are feeling is more normal than you can know. Being here, on connect, with others who have been there is a very good thing. For sure ask if you can record the conversation, just so you don’t miss anything. If you feel like crying just sit down and have a cry, for me it is better to let it happen because then I get a period of time where I am less likely to start again. The fatigue is normal too, the stress of it takes an enormous amount of energy.
Try not to make yourself crazy with “what if” , easier said than done, I find that confining my worries to certain blocks of time helps. I get a half an hour in the morning and a half an hour at night. Then the rest of the day I can tell myself, “nope, you can think about this later” this allows me to refocus on the task at hand, at least until I have to do it again sometimes 10 minutes later.
Some people do audiobooks, but I find music and physical work to be a better distraction.
What ways do you normally distract yourself from the unpleasant and the waiting?